Consolation Prize

     Consolation Prize:

n. A prize given to a competitor who loses or does not win the first prize.

n. (Group Games / Games, other than specified) a prize given to console a loser of a game.

     For instance, if you were competing to win a 2 week vacation for 4 to the Caribbean, but lost on a game show, your consolation prize might be something like luggage from one of the sponsors of the game show. 

     A prize to ease the blow...of losing.



     So yes. That's what my life has felt like this week.

     I had so much anticipation built up in my heart over these last few months.

     You know how that is. We've just mustered up enough strength and hope to believe that something good is unfolding. And in fact, the beginnings of something beautiful begin to sprout...

     But now I know more than ever….The road to winning prizes is rocky.

     2012 has taught me this well.

      Remember when I blogged about me sensing someone--not just someone…but an amazing, beautiful, and wonderful man coming into my life. A someone that I actually had a dream about over a year ago…Well, that someone arrived….

     It took me about a month to get out of the stupor of seeing this person outside of the dream I had of him almost a year ago.

     And I, with my keen sense of deduction, I simply knew this person would be the grand prize of sorts. 

      I thought it was finally time to ring the bells.

      And just as I settled into the idea of being in his arms--

      I was handed a consolation prize. Not crackers, more like a box of chocolates.

     "Sorry kid, and thanks for playing."

     You never expect that.

      At least not that fast.

      But when it comes, you just shake the necessary hands and smile for the cameras.

     I look down at my hand. "You mean, you didn't put a ring on my finger?"

     "No dear. Now can you please exit stage left. Thank you."

      And that was that. 

      Questions arise. As they should. But the answers seem to be a bit more elusive. My ears keep ringing. Or is it my heart? It's probably both. The reverb of a huge sting ripples down to my toes.

      I wish…I wish….I wish I could stop collecting consolation prizes.

      Sometimes you just want to be held. 

      Held as a winner.

      A winner of the grand prize.




Wisdom's Knocking:

"I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains... My advice is : "Go outside, to the fields, enjoy nature and the sunshine, go out and try to recapture happiness in yourself and in God. Think of all the beauty that's still left in and around you and be happy!" --Anne Frank











definitions provided by: freedictionary.com

Almost Falling

Photo Credit: Jennifer Glasgow
I have some statements to make:

I love guys that love silly girls like me.

I love surprises.

I love chocolate.

I love British comedies and dramas.

I love sitting somewhere, being still and watching the sunset.

I love writing screenplays with one of my best friends.

I love Jesus. A lot. Not for fakes.

     I also love that when I try to look professional on my way to work, I almost eat it in a public crosswalk, in a dress, with wind blowing, flailing my one free arm about, because the other is holding my purse and laptop. But somehow, I didn't fall on my face, or my butt. I'm not quite sure how that happened.

     You know how everything goes in slow motion when you're about to fall flat on your face or approaching a weird accident of sorts. Well, just imagine being in slow motion just long enough to think, "Is this really happening? Yes, it is. Wait. Is this really happening. YES IT IS. That girl over there is staring at you, waiting to see how this is going to play out.  Get yourself together. Oh yeah, and that guy over there is waiting to see how far your dress is going to fly up."

     I mean, I know the whole thing couldn't have lasted longer than 3 seconds, but it felt like an eternity.

     And then somehow, my legs locked, but in a good way. They wouldn't let the rest of my body fall. They were strong and sturdy. I felt every muscle in my legs come to attention. It was quite glorious actually.

     And then I rose up from an awkward crouched over position. Found my footing. And resumed my walk across the public crosswalk. Trying not to make eye contact with my new found audience.

     The only natural thing to do at this point is laugh. And I did, while shaking my head.

     Moments like that not only embarrass you, bringing forth a new found humility regarding your stature and place in the world, but it also shakes you up a bit.

    Sometimes we don't even know we're in a stupor until something knocks some sense back into us. Or into us for the first time...

     The feeling of falling can be a rush or a sentence of death depending on the circumstance. But regardless-- in falling, you find out what you're really made of.

     We can say we are for this or for that only, or we are defined by this strictly, but only when new surprise circumstances hit you in the face do you really know the depth of those definitions within you.

     So I've been in an interesting season, emotionally and spiritually, still expecting good things, but barely. At times it's so hard to break out of a mindset of disappointment in order to embrace the good in front of me (On a daily basis). Nevertheless, this interesting season, had become rote and robotic in its own way, but a recent jolt simply reminded me, that with each step I take, God is with me. And I feel this jolt of sorts moving me out of the past (Past hurts, pains, disappointments, etc.) and into the embrace of the adventure ahead.

     And please believe there are still good, good adventures to be had. You and I were made for them.



Wisdom's Knocking:
The invitation to a new beginning has been given to you now.


A Table Set Before Me in the Presence of My Enemies

Photo Credit: Kristen Hilyard


     Thank you haters. Thank you frenemies.

     I know what you're thinking. How in the world does Patrice have enemies? Yes, that's what I once thought, and then I kept on living...

     Jealousy, miscommunication, misunderstandings, and many other petty reasons have caused haters and enemies to be in close proximity to you and I. Whether they are the type of enemy that stays semi-close by to simply keep up with what's going on in your world, or the enemy that is close enough to give you death stares of intimidation, spewing from their own fears and insecurity. It doesn't matter. Why?

     Because you and I will flourish and thrive... EVEN in the presence of our enemies.

     Their presence cannot steal what has been placed before you. Set specifically for you.

     And then I look at how the personal lives of my enemeies are flourishing. And 8 times out of 10 they're not-- and they are simply projecting their discouragement onto others.

     The toil and glory in dealing with an enemy has been a lesson I've been gleaning from over the last few years.

     Nevertheless, Good, Good, Good things are being prepared for you and I. A glory that we have not yet seen, and the audience will not just be our fans, but most likely, our enemies as well.

     The good promises in your life will still prevail, in the most impossible of ways.

     You'll smile when it's all said and done. You'll smile when you see different parts of the table being set for you. Especially because it was being set for you. You didn't have to do all of it on your own. God's face is shining on your life. And there goes your enemies huffing and puffing in disapproval. Oh well, they'll simply have to huff and puff.

     I'm a firm believer in Forgiveness. And of letting things go. Constantly. And I freely extend forgiveness to those that harbor resentment and unforgiveness towards me. I've purposed in my heart to not allow bitterness to stay for more than 3 seconds. Because that's all it takes. In mere moments bitterness creeps over your heart like a blanket, and then wraps itself around you like a deceptive smothering cocoon. Leaving you utterly restricted. Unable to smile at people...Unable to smile at all...unable to truly feel and cuts you off from the vivid human experience.

     Bitterness never kills its perceived distant target, but instead, self mutilates the carrier of such a drug.

     So in contrast to that bitterness and resentment that so easily perfumes itself around my clever enemies, my favorite thing to do in the presence of my enemies is to be a well-spring of joy, love, and forgiveness.

     A table is being set.

    These haters and enemies force us into a much more mature level of love and wisdom, one that we had not known previously. An impossible victory that is so much sweeter.

     No matter what enemy you are facing now--People or Places. Or the proximity of your enemy to your dreams, calling, identity--There is still a sacred place of blessing waiting just for you, even in the waiting-- that will absolutely perplex your enemies.

     One of the best things you can do in front of you enemy is to smile authentically with love beaming in your eyes directly into theirs, when you see each other.

     Because the table has been set.



Wisdom's Knocking:

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows" - Psalm 23:5