Hurry Up and Wait

     

   
     I wanted to title this blog post: "I Feel Stupid."

     But I felt like that was too much in your face, you know?

     Instead, I want to ease you into the ache, and not give it to you right up front.

     There's this scene in one of my all time favorite movies, "Field of Dreams" - where a little girl has a bit of a dangerous fall.

     It needs to be noted, that this little girl was the beacon of faith in the movie. She saw what most couldn't. And she simply and calmly "believed" certain good things were going to come to pass -- amidst all the other panicked voices that spoke the contrary.

     So she has this brief fall of sorts, and after she is picked up and asked, "How you feeling, honey?" The little girl perfectly says: "Stupid."

     Every time I watch the movie and hear that line, I laugh and cry.

     Because isn't that they way we feel after we trip and fall, especially if people happened to be nearby to witness the whole crime scene.

     You could be walking on what seems to be a pretty straightforward yellow brick road, and then all of sudden you lose your footing and everything that you were carrying gets flung into the air. And then the slow-motion begins as you make a painful descent to the hard earth below, so perfectly positioned to fall ever so hard on your rear end, with your heels betraying your legs and ending up somehow in mid-air.

     So last blog post, I shared about how I was stood up. How I almost had a date, then didn't...

     Painful, indeed.

     The outpouring of love via private Facebook messages, text messages, and emails surprised me and overwhelmed me in the best way. The wisdom that many of you carry is astounding. So thank you for taking the time to love me and to share with me your heartache, your victories, and your overcoming spirit.

     Now guess what.

     Apparently I wasn't stood up. But he had a mild accident of sorts and I wasn't able to find out until afterwards.

     Naturally this would happen to me...

     And yes, he's okay.

     So, of course--After I pour out my heart to you and the internets; the next day, is when I  hear a perfectly sane story of good intentions gone awry.

     We are meant to reschedule, but I haven't heard back from him in over a week...

     And now I'm wondering if I should bust out my Kenny Rogers album. #KnowWhentoFoldEm

     With that said, I'm reading and re-reading your words of encouragement; especially as it seems I'm in another one of our favorite waiting seasons...

     I mean, why can't we be in fulfillment already?

     I had a dream last night that I was held, hugged, and adored by a man. When I awoke this morning, I started weeping, because I honestly thought my dream was real life. Has that ever happened to you? Where everything feels so real, that you don't realize it's a dream until you physically wake up?

     So yeah, that's how my day started. And for those that are curious, the man in my dream was not the man I was suppose to go on a date with a couple weeks ago--this guy was an old friend of mine. But rather than thinking of my old friend, I'm also looking at what his presence might represent to me outside of the dream.

     Oh, I know what it was. This guy friend made me feel safe. I always felt safe around him. And we hugged only once, which I know sounds strange to say, but those are the facts.  I just remember being in that embrace with him thinking, "Wow. I feel so safe here."

     But that was a couple of years ago.

     And what I had last night was a dream.

     And I've been tripping and falling all over my yellow brick road, landing on my butt these last couple of weeks.

     And I feel bruised and tired.

     And I also feel a little bit stupid.

     I texted our guy last night, only to hear the lovely sounds of crickets up until tonight.

     There's probably some sane and easy explanation.

     Or the answer is staring me in my face...

     But we are dealing with a girl who is partly tired, partly sexually frustrated (For a detailed explanation, click here) and a girl who is partly scared to believe in someone again with her whole heart after a decade of disappointment, let downs, almosts, and loads of "hurry up he's around the corner"-- Oh wait. No he ain't...

     But all this hurry up and wait is getting a little bit too much for me.

     My heart hurts. And my arms are empty.

     But nevertheless, it's in the waiting that we get our strength--

     I know that particular truth seems so cruel and almost stupid. And I honestly can't breakdown in bite size detail, how this exchange of waiting actually brings forth life in us, I just know that it does.

     Waiting sifts us and prepares us.

     I mean, there are stages to being pregnant, and each waiting stage is purposeful. Albeit, that last trimester, I know many women are like, "Yo, I'M DONE BEING PREGNANT."

     And that's kind of how I feel.

     But we're not left on our own in such processes. I'm so grateful for the Holy Spirit in all of this. The One sent to bring us comfort in times such as these.

     You and I are being forced to learn on the ground level, what it really means to be infused with strength through the waiting.

     I've come too far to throw it all away now. And so have you.

     I may feel stupid. I may feel pain. But I'm going to do my best, with my mustard seed of faith to let waiting have its perfect way in me.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord, The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

These Things Require a Fight

     Don't we just love the Psalms.

     David, who is credited for writing a majority of the Psalms in the Old Testament, almost appears to be going through a mental breakdown of sorts when you go through the journey of this particular book in Scripture.

     One moment he's singing the praises of God and how loved he feels (Psalm 34) and the next moment he's yelling in frustration about how He feels God has abandoned him (Psalm 13).

     But my favorite takeaway from David and the Psalms is this: Learning to encourage, speak to, and build up your own soul (Psalm 43:5)...

     So I get out of the car tonight, after having a serious talk with myself. And I'm feeling crunk (do people still use that word anymore??). Anyway, I'm feeling like I could swiftly knockout any shady character that dared to step in my super hero sphere.

     But let's rewind a bit.

     Let's just go back 30 minutes before I get out of the car.

     Tears.

     I was stood up this week, ya'll.

     Yep. I almost had a date. And then I didn't...

     I was preparing my heart for magic, as one should do -- but as you know, this is a dangerous playing field of sorts.

     It requires hopeful living...

     And here I was, just a week or so fresh off of a blog post titled, "New Hope" that my hope get's challenged in the most incredible way.

     If you think I'm not susceptible to a challenge and a fight in the arena of Hope, all I have to say to that is. NOPE, you're dead wrong.

     Oh, and to top it off, another one of my past summer 2014 crushes is now engaged to be married. That news hit over the weekend, and my response at the time was, "Yep. Of course. #sideeyes"

     As you know, my sweet reader, I haven't been on a date in about 7 years or so. I'm not even quite sure if I even know how to do it.

     But alas, this week, I was ready to put myself out there, because of who he was and how my heart was already smitten. Yes, the battlefield is always somewhat inviting, albeit treacherous.

     And I had nerves and lovely butterflies all week.

     Until tonight.

     A horrible punch to the gut.

     Which led to me to think this horrible, stupid train of thought that I would somehow make a bad girlfriend or wife, therefore I should just resign to my nun-like status. Since it's what I know and it's what I'm comfortable with, as painful as it is.

      It's so crazy, how we don't need other people to sabotage our dreams and promises--we often and readily do it ourselves!

     So you see Hope does not equal easy. Even for me.

     And while we're at it--Neither does Love.

     Having Hope and Love anchored in our lives doesn't mean we'll coast through trials and heartache, but rather, it means we now know what we are fighting for in the midst, and can become strengthened through the resistance of the trial and battlefield. Much like your physical muscles gain strength through the resistance of the weight you train with.

     So I was in the car.

     And I was waiting for someone to magically call me and just encourage me and my heart.

     No one called.

     I almost called my mom. But I knew I really wouldn't have a conversation with her, it would just be me crying over the phone. But I needed to cry.

     So I did.

     In my car.

     And then I talked to God.

     I asked Him what He thought of all this and my predicament.

     I didn't hear anything.

     But something shifted in my spirit.

     And I said out loud: "Patrice, you know you are made for love.  Future babies, I don't know who your dad is gonna be, but I promise, you'll have a dad....Soon. Now let's get out of this car."

     And I did.

     And I felt like Rocky.

     I was staying in the ring. With my bruised ribs, my swollen eye, and my broken nose.

     I'm realizing more and more, that our "Field of Dreams" must first be plowed before being built and established...

     And to me, love is always worth fighting for. 

     I now believe so strongly, that love in all its extravagance, splendor, and power still exists for you and I, and that this love will begin to unfold in some very real, surprising, and glorious ways for us this year, especially in the realm of relationships.

     I may be bruised.

     But I am still showing up for 2015.

     Because I know, these things require a fight, and God has already spoken the truth--that "Love Never Fails."

Wisdom's Knocking:

“Fight the good fight of faith..."

- I Timothy 6:12a

New Hope

     The finishing of 2014 was HARD.

     I don't know how it was for some of you, but I "labored" my way through until December 31st.

     My emotions were all out of wack, I seemed to have a bit of brain fog, and I had no idea how I was going to make the finish line regarding promises yet to unfold.

     But somehow I knew...

     Somehow I knew, if we could make it to 2015, there would be a victory, a turnaround, a rest, and the beginning of a fulfillment of things we've waited for.

     I can't fully explain how I knew this, but it's just one of those downloads I got during my many tear-filled prayer times with God in December.

     As we take intentional and unknown steps into 2015, I wanted to encourage your heart.

     Your choices matters. Your thoughts matters. And as you know, your thoughts form your actions, your actions habits, and your habits become your character.

     I realized the pressing, the pushing, and the tension I had been feeling the latter half of 2014 had a lot to do with getting me out of my comfort zone and ready for the next big phase of my life, and not so much a marker of punishment for doing something wrong or off kilter.

     Right living has its very real and true rewards.

     Often times, one feels like a sucka for waiting and choosing the "narrow" way.

     And many times, the narrow way can feel suffocating and almost, downright painful.

     But let me repeat, right living has its very real and true rewards. Just you wait and see.

     And if you just read that last sentence feeling a little nervous and guilty-- DON'T.

     There's no need for you to feel guilty Beloved, right now, this very moment has become your tender mercies, your fresh start. So let it be.

    Just humble yourself. Make that declaration before God and then prepare to listen to what He wants to tell you next. And seek out people that are faithfully grounded. Those you trust, admire, and actually want to be around.

     Okay. I'm not quite sure why I went down that little rabbit trail, but I'm sure that was for someone.

     But back to my "labor".

     God has been birthing a new level of faith in me. 

     To believe beyond the dream of dreams for you and I. Even in the midst of waiting for other dreams to manifest.

     There is rest coming to our hearts this year. It is a part of the promise that God is fulfilling in our hearts.

     I still believe that God is good, that He is kind, and that He is faithful.

     So much so, that I chose, as an act of my will to celebrate the coming of 2015 with a bang. Because I felt this year in particular was going to be indicative of celebration.

     Normally, my idea of a New Year's Eve celebration would involve pajamas, brownies, tears, and Carson Daly in Times Square.

     But this year, I celebrated in an intentional way with two specific friends. Friends of mine that have prayed and believed with me for their own promises as well as my own.

     It was a declaration of sorts.

     And now, here we are.

     It is 2015.

     My heart is full of expectation and new hope.

     What does it look like to "Hope against hope"?

     It looks like 2015.

     The facts would say, "Patrice, you're getting older and your chances of meeting a quality "king" of sorts is near impossible. Your original hope of meeting someone in your 20s is now over...and the ministry plans and career plans you have will simply have to continue solo..."

     But the miracle of "Hope against hope" would say, "Patrice, you will meet your boo-king at just the right time. He will know. And you will know. And it will be as though no time was ever lost. And the two of you will continue God's love legacy in a powerful way, speaking redemption and hope over those still in the battle and in the wait.

     Because God is so good, kind, and faithful, even in the midst of impossibilities."

Wisdom's Knocking:

Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace 

and may be guaranteed to all Abraham’s offspring—not only to those who are of the law 

but also to those who have the faith of Abraham. He is the father of us all. 

As it is written: “I have made you a father of many nations.” 

He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—

the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed 

and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 

“So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, 

he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—

since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. 

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, 

but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 

being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. 

This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” 

The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, but also for us, 

to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.

-Romans 4:16-25

How to Get a Good Girl [Back]

     I did this for you. Or rather for us.

     I'm becoming more and more aware of my target audience. And it feels so good and it feels so right to address you all as Queens.

     But now I'm turning our attention to the Kings...

     I'm a little confounded when men cry out that there's no good women out there, or that all the good women are taken. Rubbish.

     They clearly haven't met you or I.  [Subtle Giggle...#Facts]

     So Fellas, here are some of the very tip-toppy ways to get a good girl on your team, in your life, like real loyal, like the status of a wife....

     (Or for some of you...how to try and win her back...)

Let's Go:

A.  Would You "Woo-Woo-Woo..." #JeffreyOsbourne

     Get your "Woo" skills out.

     Texting and Facebook stalkery is not going to cut it here.

     Show her you want her attention. Be intentional and follow through.

     If you don't have her number, ask for it.

     If you have her number, call her (try not to email or text this whenever possible) and ask her for a date (Coffee date, lunch date, dinner date, 20 min. frozen yogurt date, drinks, etc., etc.) at least 2-3 days in advance. Last minute shenanigans shows a lack of respect for her and her time.

     We as women, love to know what we're in for, especially during the beginning stages of a relationship. And if your being wishy-washy about your Woo-Game, then you might just lose a potential Good Girl...

     If you've dated her in the past, take her to one of her favorite spots.

     And all in all, the art of wooing a woman has a lot to do with listening to her and looking her in her eyes.  Let her express her day, her hopes, her dreams, her disappointments without interruption.

     At the end of your time with her, it should be clear to her that you are saying, "You should be mine...all mine."

Video Link: Jeffrey Osbourne, "You Should Be Mine" 

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B.  Emotionally Invested

     Are you the guy that's been so wounded by women and people that you brood all day and play a guitar all night?

     Is your heart even open for love?

     When you as a man, choose to allow your heart to feel and not only feel, but get emotionally connected to a good girl--your life will never be the same.  #Trust

     She will fill the reservoirs of your heart with joy, encouragement, and hope for your future. She'll make sure you're on the road to reaching your dreams as well as her own.

     When you show an active interest in at least one or two things that your particular Good Girl likes to do, or her work/career grind, she will be one of your biggest cheerleaders in life.

     Furthermore, when you choose to not only invest in her personal endeavors, but to invest emotionally -- sharing your own stories, those stories that have shaped your life, whether trauma or triumph, you're letting your lady know that she's the one you're choosing to share your heart with and you want her to be a significant part of your life.

Video Link: Whitney Houston, "So Emotional"

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C. Compliment Her

     So yeah. That's pretty straightforward....

Video Link: Sam Cooke, "Tenderness"

-----

D.  Tell it to the World

     Sure, you can make it "Facebook Official", but more importantly, your family and close friends should know when you are really startin' to "feel" a particular Good Girl.

     And yes, there might be haters out there. And haters gon' hate.

     But when your Good Girl sees that you aren't ashamed to tell the world about your love and adoration for her, I can guarantee she's gonna want to stick around for the long run. #TeamLoyal

Video Link: Teddy Pendergrass, "When Somebody Loves You Back"

 +++

Bonus Material:  

     You've noticed she's sultry and cute on Instagram and looks intriguing--even on Facebook, but how do you know she's not crazy? Better yet, how do you know if she's a ride or die, legit "Good Girl?" 

How to Spot a Good Girl: 

+An online presence just isn't' going to cut it. You'll need real life experience for this. 

+You think you've spotted a Good Girl online...Well... as quick as you can, get from the virtual world to the real world. Be brave. Shoot her a message via email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. BUT be a Gentle-man about yours. And if you two have mutual friends, even better (actually PREFERRED). But start a gentle dialogue online for at least a few weeks. Ask her how her day was, what's she's looking forward to, etc. After a few weeks, if it's wise, safe, and advantageous (for BOTH involved), and she hasn't put the pause or halt on your communication, ask her for a low-key coffee date. The goal is to get from the virtual world to the real world as soon as possible, to find out the Truth: 

+ How does she talk about her friends, people in general -- if she's prone to gossip and see the worst in a given situation. All I have to say to you is: NOPE. 

+Look for the girl who is genuinely encouraging the heck out of the other ladies in the room. 

+Look in your circle of amazing friendships, often we discount our own circle of friends. But get over that awkwardness and take the leap!

+At a coffee shop, notice how your potential crush talks to the barista or cashier.
People are constantly showing you who they really are, we simply have to pay attention...#Selah

Video Link: Aaron Neville, "Tell It Like It Is"

Wisdom's Knocking:

He who finds a wife, finds what is good.
And receives favor from the Lord.

- Proverbs 18:22

Miss Independence

     I've been put into an interesting position of sorts.

     Independently dependent.

     Driving to me has always equaled autonomy and freedom.

     But recently, I've had the inconvenient luxury of having my car breakdown twice in the last few weeks. Leaving me carless for days at a time.

     But this loss of sorts has allowed for a beautiful sense of renewed independence. I'm no longer obligated to be here and there according to the whims of others or even my own whims. And at the same time, I'm humbled.

     I strangely feel like a kid again.

     As you know, God has been inviting me to rest in this season. To give rest and peace to my mind, my body, and my 2014 outcomes.

     But how does one rest in the midst of wrestling with disappointment and pain?

     To be more specific, what's it like being single during the holidays? Many of you already know, but for those that don't know or remember what it's like to be single this time of year, let me give you a quick debrief:

     Being single during the holidays is conflicting at best.

     Yes, I've accomplished goals, I have great family and friends, I've been a champion of sorts in my own life and for others, I make adventure a weekly, if not daily habit, but yet, among the many wins and grateful heart, there's still what feels to be an in-your-face, gaping loss. There's a hole of sorts.

     For someone like me, who is not only in love with the wedding, but marriage itself, and beyond that--a legacy. To be withheld the very thing you feel called to as human, is heartbreaking and aching to say the least.

     And yet, we continue on.

     We write, we design, we dance, we sing, we construct, we put in long hours, we pray.

     Many of us brave and beautiful 21st century single people are ready and willing to love you with our whole heart when we see you. We are ready to find new things to explore, to step out alone in our respective roads of dreams and destiny, we are ready to encourage you in your own promised land, and we wield hope as our weapon of choice.

     Yet inasmuch as one tries to deny it with the activities of a purpose driven life, there's still pain in that place of our hearts that is hoping to hold the hand of the one we love, cherish, and honor solely. The one in which new traditions are intricately and profoundly made.

     The road for us brave single folk, especially during the holidays, tends to get very suspect during the holidays.

     With that said, you'll not be surprised to know that I literally broke down crying in a restaurant yesterday with one of my good friends.

     Like snot-and-tears-crying in a respectable establishment. I cried in my friends arms unashamed for a good few minutes. (Clearly I've found a new level of freedom by forgoing my pride.) And then she began to speak life over me.

     You see, this whole business of "Letting Him Live" (the small man crush I acquired but am now letting go of...and giving it over to God) and remaining hopeful regarding my own love story does take its toll at the most inconvenient of times. #restaurantbreakdowns

     Instead of feeling restful in this season, I've felt whip-lashed and wrung out. I couldn't hold it in anymore. And no one quite understands the pain I'm talking about unless you have been single for quite some time or recently had your heart broken.

     Someone I respect stated that waiting on God to bring about our "One",  is one of the hardest things that we will ever do. Because we are believing God to do something so profound and something we have never seen Him do in our lives ever before and hopefully doesn't need to do again (#butreallythough).

     And so here I am, submitting to the wait.

     Being independent by choosing to be dependent on God.

     I know that God is not cruel, and hasn't placed a desire in our hearts for love and romance with plans to withhold it forever.

     God's track record with me and my life, proves that He is not just a promise maker, but God is also promise Keeper.

     And tonight, I'm feeling freedom in the most vulnerable of ways.

     I'm reminded that I don't control everything, even in an array of opportunities I may create, I on a daily basis must be willing to let go, and let God.

     Independence to me in this holiday season, simply means Trust.

     The one thing that God asked me to do in this season (especially regarding love and romance) was simply to believe.

     So as I believe for my love story, I'm also believing for yours.

     Love is not a finite resource. 

     Even if you're married, have found "the One", or are still waiting, the well of love has not been exhausted for you.

     And I pray that this holiday season, you gain a new sense of independence.

     The type of independence that reminds you of being a kid again--in the best sense.

     That time in our lives when we weren't called to worry over every detail and its manifestation, but to simply live believing we are loved and will always be taken care of ---even the weightier matters of our hearts being taken care of--always.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"And they were bringing even their babies to Him so that He would touch them, but when the disciples saw it, they began rebuking them. But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.”

Luke 18:15-17 (NASB)