When true love and acceptance walks into the room, it’s almost as if we don’t know where to put our hands or look.
Our eyes quickly go to the ceiling.
To the floor.
To our chest.
Ugh.
It’s too uncomfortable.
It feels too vulnerable.
It’s time to whip out the trusty cell phone.
And let’s pretend someone is texting us.
Or better yet, that we have an important text to get out.
IMMEDIATELY.
Because we are THAT important.
And THAT afraid of Love.
I didn’t quite understand how Love and Worth were intrinsically tied to another until this past year. Love and Worth are kind of like the data in our DNA strands. It’s all apart of the same story.
Sometimes in my Christian circles, you’ll often hear us say how “Unworthy” we are or that we “Deserve” pain and suffering because of the decisions we’ve made in life.
But the narrative that ultimately speaks the loudest, above our feeble attempts at consistent good works or false humility--Is that of the accomplished love mission of Jesus.
The real narrative is that you and I were and are actually Worth it to God.
If you weren’t. The story of Jesus would not be complete.
He died for a world deemed worth dying for, in order for us to be reunited with true love, our true home. God.
And will we accept this love and truth is always the question given to each person.
I had accepted that beautiful and grand narrative of Jesus, but I had also bought into culture’s narrative that I needed to prove my worth by my accomplishments and doing.
I thought if I checked off certain milestones…high school, university, a master’s degree, start working in the entertainment industry…everything else in my life would fall into place.
I hustled hard.
I had a lot of fun..
But I still didn’t know what to do with my hands when Love walked into the room.
I started a small business called Together Good Co. 4 years ago.
I woke up one morning and felt God invite me on a crazy mission.
I had no idea what I’d be “Selling” or what “Service” I would be providing.
But basically God whispered, “Are you up for an adventure?”
And I said, “Sure…why not…”
Mostly because, all my previous dreams of becoming a sitcom writer, a director, and a documentarian had all fizzled into the hazy background of my now growing television production career.
I know that might sound glamorous as well. But let me paint an accurate picture for you. As I became booked more and more as a celebrity dressing room manager— and later a production manager, my work agenda looked something like this:
15+ hour days.
2+ hour commutes.
Working holidays.
No time for family, friends, or a real romantic relationship.
Lifting and moving heavy things.
Shopping all around Southern California.
Answering emails as early as 5am and as late as midnight.
Learning the layout of new studios and venues for every new show I do.
Creating digital layouts.
Picking up trash after celebrities.
Meeting all the deadlines.
Being the point of contact for almost every department on set.
Designing celebrity green room spaces.
Managing a team and teaching them new protocols and practices for each show or event.
And when I was fully production managing, the kicker was overseeing budgets that were larger than what I had made in my entire career combined.
COMBINED.
But during that time, I wasn’t bitter. I actually wasn’t hurt at all.
I was actually clueless.
I simply thought: “This is the way.”
This is simply the way it is.
And I kept on having fun, hustling hard, and skipping down my yellow brick road. But Oz was about to give me some real life lessons…
As Together Good Co. began to grow in some subtle and unexpected ways, I knew it was time to hire a professional business coach.
Because honestly, I had NO idea what I was doing in business, and I needed someone with real RECEIPTS. Someone who loved God, was kind, and way ahead of me as an entrepreneur and had the financial proof to show for it.
And after looking for over a year, God brought me THE MOST LEGIT business coach EVER.
And what I’ve learned in the world of entrepreneurs -- at least the ones I’ve been around, is that they are SUPER transparent when it comes to money.
Like these homies, will show you the exact amount of money they made on a previous launch or campaign. Quarterly revenue, snapshots of their Stripe accounts, real-time receipts, etc.! I was like…
I had never seen anything like that!
Real dollar and cents ya’ll.
In my industry – or at least in my specific genre of TV & events work, we don’t often talk about our daily/weekly paid rates publicly.
It’s all pretty much kept on the low-low.
And honestly, I thought that was pretty dang respectful.
Until…
Until my business coach straight up asked me, how much I made per event/TV show.
And I bravely told him.
HE. WAS. APPALLED.
I was confused.
Was my rate THAT low?
I actually thought it was kinda high…?
I mean, it wasn’t really enough for me to live off of, but it still got me work…and I wanted to work…and I didn’t want to miss out on anything – even if they were scraps…because that’s all I might get…
Plus, a work colleague of mine, who knew my ‘New’ rate (the rate that was appalling to my business coach) – commented that I probably would *not get jobs because my rate was “Too High” and that I should consider lowering it to get hired more...
And he wasn’t all the way wrong, I did get pushback from certain producers that didn’t want to pay my new rate.
No one in my role had ever made more than a specific amount.
Plus. That’s the way it’s always been.
“So why don’t you ask for more?” my business coach said.
Because they won’t give it to me and I won’t be hired.
“But you have over 20 years worth of experience….”
Well—
“Look at the type of shows and events you’ve done…”
But…
“But do you believe that your worth it?”
And then I started to cry.
I didn’t.
Somewhere down deep, I didn’t believe that I was worth it…
I didn’t know how to truly say it. So I cried.
I barely knew what to do with my hands.
Working was my worth.
But compensation wasn’t.
In the attempts of trying to be nice and accommodating at work – I had played myself…for almost 20 years…
And now, I somehow believed I didn’t deserve more or couldn’t’ even ask…
It was easier to believe that I should strive or stay stuck for the rest of my work career instead of opening up a new door of possibilities to receive...
But who would be willing to pay the cost of what I now believe my work ethic and experience is worhy of?
“If they can’t afford you, graciously decline. But you should absolutely know your worth.”
It was clear now.
I had believed a lie.
But now True Love walked into a room, sat at a table and told me some things…
And that was the beginning of me seeing so much more clearly, how Love and Knowing Your Worth were united in the same story.
It’s not a pompous knowing out of arrogance, but rather drips with kindness, humility, and truth.
It’s an inward receiving and an outward focus.
It’s love — making you brave and honest.
So, that day with my coach, I never looked at my job, my life, my business, or money in the same way again.
I’ve learned that in the entrepreneurial space, rates/pay scale are not merely set by emotion, but by a beautiful formula that encapsulates cost of living, expertise, results you give your clients, and the industry you are serving in.
So honestly, your service/product rate could be just about anything – especially if you give great results to your people.
So in the vein of true transparency…I don’t know how much you think I make each day, working in the entertainment industry, but I can almost guarantee you that it’s lower than the number you are imagining right now.
**(If you are on my private Together Good Co. email list by 12/10/21, I’ll share my dollar and cents rate, for those that are curious…Or if you join later, simply reply back to me, when you get your welcome email. I feel it’s important to be transparent in these matters with my trusted community…)
And this year I had to tell another coach and friend, how much I make daily/weekly on my TV/Events jobs.
It’s been embarrassing and so freeing.
I’m starting to learn where to place my hands.
What’s kept me tied to the entertainment industry has been my relationships established over the last 2 decades with work family and the ridiculous amount of fun we’ve had on site – while seeing behind the scenes moments of musicians and actors that the rest of the world will never see…
But recently, I’ve had to make some hard decisions, as Together Good Co. has grown into a beautiful community supporting women and creatives, while continuing to expand, as long as God allows.
My hands are up high.
Above my head.
In a statement of surrender.
Letting go.
But ready to grab the reigns of something new.
Knowing that Love will always catch me.
And that certain dreams may die, but new dreams are welcome to emerge.
Seasons bring forth Winter.
But also Summer.
Thankful that I’ve finally learned that my worth is established and blooming.
And now, I have a new dream job in mind.
Something that pays my worth and gives me space and time to grow, while I pour into Together Good Co. on nights and weekends.
This is the new dream.
While everyone is trying to break away from the 9 to 5, this 20-year freelance veteran happily welcomes it; and the new adventure it will hold. (Like actually paying all my bills on time! And proper health benefits! Ha! My freelancers know the struggle!)
And nope, I’m not dictating a 5 year plan.
I know better than that. Ha!
But for the new year ahead, it will be new...
And a bit like starting over.
It might not be easy, but it will be worth it.
You’re worth it.
I’m worth it.
And love is still fueling our storyline.
True Love walks into the room, and sits down at a table where you are sitting.
True Love tells you, you can do anything…just not everything…
And True Love reminds you, the love you give away is the love you keep.
Then True Love whispers to you, you can stop hiding now.
So now beloved,
…What will you go do?
Wisdom’s Knocking:
“We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfill the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it!”
~ Ephesians 2:10 (The Passion Translation)