We chase both.
More so pleasure, thinking that it will lead us to love.
But I’m finding that as I rest and receive the love I already have, there is great pleasure to be had there.
Isn’t it funny, that when we hear the word pleasure, you're my mind goes directly to something with an erotic connotation.
Because we think the shortcut to love is through pleasure.
But alas, love looks like:
And that’s what our hearts truly champion. We know deep inside, that those images of love capture the essence of our true home, and what we want our true selves to reveal.
Love is also kind, generous, patient, not boastful nor prideful.
And that is what makes our hearts feel the safest and known. We want those attributes extended to us, even if we aren’t capable or mature enough to display them to others.
This is how we love children.
Little people prone to the “Me, me, me” syndrome and outburst and tantrums in your local Target. But the most courageous of parents, choose to love them through it.
And this is how we learn love.
When it is first extended to us. Often when we least deserve it.
“We love because He first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19
But why, almost every time, and almost every day, we want to fall for the shortcut.
It’s so tantalizing, with its promise of sweet caresses and tender slow kisses.
But pleasure doesn’t equal love.
And we were made for love.
That is the sustaining force of the universe.
God is love.
He doesn’t just have it.
He is it.
It’s not just a chemical reaction.
It is the electricity of our narrative.
The hope in our tomorrow.
The reason for our today.
Do you know one quick sure fire way for me to fall out of like with a crush?
When I see what he likes on Instagram.
Please tell me you know about this feature! It will save you.
Did you know that every photo you “like” and every person you follow is public knowledge on Instagram. In fact, there’s a whole tab dedicated to just that— seeing what pictures and accounts the people *you follow give “follows” and “likes” to in real time. It’s right next to everyone’s “Activity” page in your profile.
Yes. Even if your page is “Private”. That information is never private to those that you’ve *allowed to follow you.
I don’t make a habit of this--looking at that tab that showcases what new photos my friends like or folks they’ve decided to follow. But I do take a peek at it, when I have a crush on someone new that I don’t know.
Because I’m like. Hmmm. Who are you? What kind of company do you keep? But are you nastyyy though?
I choose to live my life pretty much like an open book. Plus, I’ve lived enough to know that nothing is truly private, and anything done in the dark will eventually come to light.
With that said, I value honesty in a supreme way.
I’ve always been mindful, honest, and aware that you can see all my Instagram post “likes” – And yes, those “likes” reflect much of who I am and what I like – with that said, I’m happy and unashamed to share each and every one of them with you.
But I’ve noticed, that some of these guys that I’ve liked in the past, have had weird track records on social media.
And I’m like, “Ohhh, so those are the types of photos that you’re “liking” every 10 minutes. Interestinggg. So you’re following these types of social media accounts. Oooh. Okrrr. Um. Yeah…”
Because then I start to realize, they are after pleasure solely and not really love.
They may say they are ready for love, because yes, we are all made for love. But their actions state otherwise.
They’re only ready to give on their current emotional maturity level. They prove to only want a quick fix, or rather something to give them a quick ego pleasure stroke.
But I’m out here trying to *not play games.
And just like that, my crush feelings start to fade with a quickness.
Because what really turns me on is integrity. You can be as hot as lava, we can have amazing chemistry, but if your character is shady…it’s gonna be a hard NOPE.
I mean, what kind of husband are you ready to be?
And what kind of dad are you hoping to be?
Because you don’t just magically turn into a husband and a dad because you have the title.
No, you metamorphose into those things, because you have the heart and the character to hold such a gift and sustain it.
And let me clarify, that’s usually a heart with character that’s gone through some crazy trials and discipline (learning to say no…etc.) to appreciate love on a whole different level.
So yes, we are made for love and to experience pleasure. But I’m learning the beautiful rhythms of how this actually plays out in our day-to-day lives.
I’m also learning that love and pleasure together (*not soley of the sexual kind by the way ;) is better than pleasure just on its own.
Some synonyms of pleasure just to refresh our minds:
- Joy
- Delight
- Thrill
- Luxury
- Satisfaction
- Contentment
- Bliss
So the next time you want to indulge yourself, whether online or in “real life” , just do a heart-check for me, -- will this particular compensation simply be a vapor— empty in the end, or will it lead you to something profoundly life-giving and beautiful that endures?
Wisdom’s Knocking:
“You make known to me the path of life;
in Your presence there is fullness of joy;
at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
Psalm 16:11 (ESV)