I need to preface this post.
I had written this to you, back in March of this year.
Back. In. March. Of. This. Year.
I'm honestly not quite sure why I didn't give this to you back then.
It somehow got lost in the slew of other pressing matters vying for my attention.
No. Actually. Let me not lie.
I knew that I’d needed to release this particular post at the right time. And for some reason, March didn’t feel quite right.
Which is not my usual M.O.
I’m quick to keep you abreast of my emotional on goings in real time for the most part.
But this occurrence was different.
And now, I’m ready to share.
The events that inspired this particular March blog post, marked one of thee defining moments of my 2016.
I had just watched the movie "Contact", over the weekend at my parents’ house.
Yes. My 'parents' house. My dad was still alive then.
Oh my. It's still jarring to say that.
But I wrote this blog post, in complete gratitude and adoration towards God, in that, He would give me the kind of earthly father that He did and how kind and remarkable God is at transitioning us in our life seasons.
The movie Contact deals with matters of science and faith. #lovelovelove
And there is a remarkable bond and storyline between the protoganist and her father in this film.
I’ll never forget that night watching that movie, nor that weekend, nor the events that would soon follow in the days ahead:
---
My world and my perspective have been turned upside down. And this all happened during our last El Nino thunderstorm.
I literally feel as though my mind, my soul, and my heart were reset. As if something pertaining to bondage and strife from the last 7 years had been lifted off of me.
I have heard and seen some extraordinary thunderstorms in my lifetime. And I find them incredibly exhilarating and humbling. But what I heard at my home a few weeks ago was unlike any thunder I’ve ever heard.
The crack and the bass within this ferocious sound caused a car alarm to fire off and the hairs on my body to stand at attention.
Something was happening in the heavenlies.
And I could tangibly feel that something had changed within me.
------ Something new has begun.
Even just a day prior…
And of course I was blindsided and not expecting any of this—not looking for anything out of the ordinary.
I just went to snuggle at my parents home, only to be wrecked by 3 of the most powerful dreams I’ve had to date.
You’re gonna think I’m crazy—that’s okay. You’re crazy too. So we’re even. *smiles*
But I had 3 distinct dreams that outlined the way in which my beautiful and grand romance story would begin to play out.
Everything in these dreams was so incredibly palpable, and yet it surpassed time and space. I never saw the full detailed face of my lover, but if I needed to, I could recognize his spirit amidst a crowd of a million people at this very moment.
I was his and he was mine.
I chose him, and he chose me.
There was this sense of shalom—of peace, of knowing and understanding, a completeness in our interaction, which simply made everything so easy, and effortless. (Not perfect, but absolutely peaceful.)
You already know that I’m an avid dreamer. And I often have interesting dreams that foreshadow events in my life before I actually step into them. I know. Crazy.
But such has been my life since I can remember.
But believe it or not, I’ve never had a concrete dream about my man up until a few weeks ago.
And I was absolutely blown away.
Because you see, in the past, I’ve dreamt about certain men coming in and out of my life, but there was never any sense of true permanence in these relationships, but rather, these particular dreams acted as rudders on boat, steering me in the direction of wisdom rather than following down the path of a trap.
Meanwhile, as I’m trying to understand this series of dreams with God, I’m simply overwhelmed by gratitude and awe.
I mean.
When you’ve been single, for as long as I’ve been (Hashtag Nun-Life Vibes), you pretty much lose your crap for a second realizing that although your story may be a little dusty, it’s far from over.
And as soon as I awoke up from that dream, I felt as though I was already living in and partaking in romance.
Meaning, I felt as if it had already happened. Like I was living it. True story.
It was a new sense of assurance, but not the type that simply came from me trying to hype myself up (“You’re beautiful, Patrice, you’re beautiful-- and don’t worry, someone possibly somewhere wants to marry you…). No this was different.
It was already existing and living and breathing in the now.
Like cold water to your face. It was jarring and exhilarating.
photo credit: evan kaufmann
And now I’m awake.
Thunder has that effect.
I don’t feel perfect.
I don’t feel polished.
But I do feel beautiful.
And ready to be kissed.
Wisdom’s Knocking:
18) God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”
21-22) God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.
23-25) The Man said,
“Finally! Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
for she was made from Man.”
Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.
- Genesis 2:18, 21-25