I come to you today to simply get something off my chest.
Now granted, I’ve been watching the teen movie, “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before”, all week long, and it’s got me in some sort of mood.
Like I want to be brave again.
But also, I wanted to give context to what the men around me have been saying and doing.
Can I just say, that my favorite “line” thus far in 2018...said by a guy friend to me has been:
“Girl, LOOK….. now don’t block your blessing…” As he slyly pointed to himself with a cheeky grin.
But I currently like the dynamic of our friendship. It’s lighthearted, fun, and low key.
Ahhh. Stop. I know what you’re thinking and where your mind is going---but nope. It’s not like that. Trust.
And then there was this guy in college, who I for sure thought hated me. I mean, this boy would give me dirty looks, ignore me when I walked into a room, and would always try to avoid any type of eye contact or conversation with me.
And of course this guy was extraordinarily handsome and all the girls effortlessly agreed. #eyerolls
And then one day, he had to drop something off at my dorm, I can’t remember if it was for one of my roommates or what.
But what proceeded to happen…. had me SHOOK.
I straight up asked him, “Why in the world are you being so frosty to me? I’m seriously trying to figure out what I did wrong to you.”
And then, like a scene out of “Love Actually”…
He basically says, “Really? You don’t get it?”
Now picture my face staring at him blankly.
Um. Nope. I don’t get it?
He then proceeds to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am, and how intelligent I am and how nervous he gets around me – and that it’s just easier to run than to face me.
UM.
EXCUSE YOU.
I’m SORRY. WHAT.
Is this even real life?
Why yes.
Yes it is.
The hot jock is at my door telling this eccentric goofy girl he’s basically in love with her?
For the first time in a long time, I was speechless.
Because, number 1, I was not expecting that answer. And number 2, I was not expecting that answer.
I think I just kept mumbling, “Um thank you? Thank…….you….Thanks? I mean. Yes. Thank you.”
We somehow awkwardly ended the conversation. I wasn’t prepared to make out with him on the spot. I honestly had never thought of him in a romantic context, mainly because I thought he was a jerk.
But months later, once I had time to process my heart and emotions towards him, he had already moved on, into a new relationship.
Nevertheless, he and I remained good friends in college but drifted apart as the years went by.
I bring up this memory, because it was probably one of the most beautiful, brave, and vulnerable acts, a man has dared towards my heart.
I know that sounds dramatic.
But look, I’ve been watching a lot of teen movies lately. So this is what comes out…
But seriously.
Mr. Jock was so honest in that moment and he didn’t demand a response from me, nor did he try to veer me towards the response he wanted to hear.
He whole-heartedly took a risk. And was so kind to me in the delivery.
I don’t think he premeditated his speech at all.
In fact, I wasn’t meant to be home or actually open the door at all.
It was all impromptu.
What a beautiful brave man.
Years ago, I had a hang out with a guy friend of mine, and we ended up talking all night long. Probably one of thee best conversations I’ve ever had with a guy. There was a spark, and maybe I’m delusional, but I’m almost positive he felt it too.
And all I wanted was for him to be brave.
We’ve remained friends to this day.
But I sometimes wonder, what if he had been brave in that moment? How different would our lives be?
And yes, girls are brave too. Duh.
But if you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you know my heart is to be pursued.
I spend a majority of my life “producing” via what I do for a living –
Therefore, it would feel so incredibly special to me, to not fully initiate something on my own…or to “make someone love me”.
For me, there’s something about being pursued that feels like a warm blanket around my back on a cold winter’s day. It feels like rest to me.
Plus, if you’re gonna be in a romantic relationship with me, you’re gonna have to have some “cojones”.
Yeah. I don’t know how else to put it…
These are the traits I love in men:
Humility
Confidence
Kindness
Bravery
So, if you have a crush on me, you have permission to tell me.
Be vulnerable. Be brave. Be awkward. But SAY SOMETHING.
But if you’re not willing to be brave, let’s not fool ourselves. Stop having a crush on me. And end all your sentences towards me with “friend” and “sister”. (I need clear cut labels. Okay?)
Don’t leave cute ambiguous comments on my Instagram and feel free to not watch my life on social media--making me think you are potentially flirting with me.
Yes, I’m feisty and I’m vulnerable.
But you knew this already.
In the end, I want us all to win.
I don’t want us to simply choose what’s safe – because where’s the fun in that?
I want us to never be afraid of adventures in God.
And yes, maybe you’re just a boy standing in front of a girl…
But I’m telling you, one act of bravery can change your entire life forever….And possibly for the better.
But you’ll never know until you take that risk.
#Selah
So let’s be brave.
Let’s have brave conversations.
And let’s choose to love in extravagant and ridiculously brave ways.
Now excuse me as I go back to watching the amazing screen chemistry of Noah Centineo and Lana Condor (To All the Boys I Loved Before). And smile at the swag and bravery, that a 20-something-year-old is currently teaching us all about once again…
Wisdom’s Knocking:
"We dare be brave and suddenly we see
That love costs all we are and will ever be.
Yet it is only love which sets us free."
~Maya Angelou