Not Just Vision, Intimacy

I tend to be quite a little cheerleader. I can't help it. I love seeing smiles on peoples faces. But I've realized, I might be sacrificing a level of true intimacy.

I don't want to cheerlead so loud that I indirectly end up hiding from you because I'm so focused on cheerleading a vision vs. connecting and loving you in this moment. Something about truly being present freaks me out. But that's where I really want to be. I, like you, want to connect meaningfully (is that a word?) with people. But I think I have some weird insecurities with proximity. And the question always arises in my head, "Why do you want to know me?" Or in some cases, "Why don't you want to know me?". I'm just realizing this now. No I'm lying. I've known for quite some time that I have intimacy issues. They've just become a bit more visual as I stir in the midst of a life transition.

Everything doesn't have to always be about vision, which is almost like blashphemy for me to say. I love finding and seeing purpose/vision in everything I do. But in addition to vision, I want to enrich my life with true intimacy. I don't want to be scared to know you and for you to know about me.

So with that said, let's just sit down and stare at each to see who wins.