Tis the season for plenty of greeting embraces, cheek to cheek, kisses to cheek, and if you're a brave grown up, kisses to kisses.
I didn't fully realize, until later this year, that I've had a stigma about kisses. Which is odd because I love the idea of them, but to so easily give them away, in terms of intimate greetings, started to bother me a bit when I felt that some specific individuals were trying to get more than a greeting kiss.
More so, it seemed as if they simply wanted to experience my lips with little disregard for the woman that possessed them.
What is it about a kiss that is so magnetic? There are many theories and speculations as to what the kiss is and how it came to be. But they still don't provide me with solid reassurance and safety in regards to my own lips. Because my qualms about kissing really boil down to lips in general. I mean, if a stranger placed their hand on your lips in public versus shaking your hands, it would increase his or her chances of getting slapped. But why...what makes lips so sacred? Because they're closer to your mouth, the place where your breathe and receive oxygen?...Or is it connected to the fact that life and death are in the power of the tongue...and the lips are somehow guarding it like an ancient castle?
I think that's what excites me and scares me the most about kisses. There's an exchange happening. Possibly both of the good and the bad.
So you can see how quickly the idea of a kiss could become revolting to me--But not for the reason of a person simply being perceived as hideous--although that doesn't help one's case. The reluctance to give those sweet greeting kisses at times comes from the resistance to vulnerability, the fear of inviting someone to a dance that you know you're not going to show up at, or the possibility of inviting the enemy to trespass and debase your castle.
I was recently given a surprise goodbye kiss -- half friendly, half invitation. It was like a hug that lingered a little bit longer than normal... and then somehow somewhere a saxophone seemed to play nearby...and of course the moon shined ever so brightly.
And just as quickly as it began, it ends abruptly and I'm meant to look this person in the eye with a strong platonic stare and smile, but truly I'm thinking..."What just happened? Did I just give you an unintentional gift with my lips. I didn't even offer that...I was going in for the hug you sneaky thug, you."
But as we part ways. I conclude:
"Well then...that exchange wasn't horrible at all."