It's been a while since I've engaged with you. There has been a heavy steel weight of things floating and landing in the atmosphere. Certain unfinished business has been declared finished, but not in the way in which I imagined them to be finished. And before you get scared. No, I am not turning my back on my blog. But other creative endeavors have been fully shut down in the last week.
Noted, as one door closes another is swift to open. Wait. Perhaps I have been a bit to liberal with my use of the word "swift". Rather, when one door closes, another door is sure to open--but when that door is to open, no one seems to quite know with strong certainty.
But let me not talk around events. Let me point you to the direct problem in this scenario and chain of events: ME
I have come face to face with my own hypocrisy. And not only did I face it, I saw the chain of events that led to hurting another individual involved in my creative endeavor. For over a year, we all, as a collaborative team, worked for the better good of a specific artistic vision.
And I, through my own negligence and pride let everyone, including myself down.
Oh, how we ought to not think too highly of ourselves, for as surely as such false heights are attained, it will transfer into the speed of one's own deception and fall.
How do you right such a wrong?
First, take responsibility for it. Don't do the classic "Hot Potato" act and blame it on everyone else. Secondly, "Get Low". No, not the dance move, but an act of the heart. It's time to eat some "Humble Pie". In my case, I honestly took some time to share with others (Trusted Friends) the big mistake I had made and the great act of hypocrisy I had committed (Including my deep embarrassment). Afterwards, I prayed for strength and grace. And then I confronted the offended person via an email response.
It was not my attempt to get back on this particular project. But to stop perpetuating my own self righteousness and allow true Love to reign in this situation.
Are there ways in which you are leading a hypocritical life? What are the two different messages you are sending? Who has been affected by your hypocrisy? You may think no one, especially if such conflicting actions happened behind closed doors. But if those doors happened to be opened, who then would be hurt by such actions?
It's time to face our music. And the symphony we are truly creating. Not just that in which we present to people.
The "Hypocrite" in our stories is always someone else. For the most part, we are never the antagonist in our own stories. But if that story was being told from a different point of view, you may discover that your arc was far less complimentary than first perceived.
So yes, this has all been incredibly painful. And the aroma of what I did will always linger a little bit in the atmosphere of that person's heart.
But I also hold Hope close by. It is when things are truly recognized as out of my control that I can rest. I can't change the situation now. I cannot force a memory or an incident to be forgotten. But I have taken responsibility for my actions, and I have eaten some Humble Pie. Now I leave the rest to love and time. To do those things in which I cannot do. Completely heal and progress everyone involved, including myself.
In matters of life and love, stay close to humility.