When You Pass a Test

Photo Credit: Me

     Not surprising. Weeks after writing a series on Jealousy and Contempt, I was tested by these very foes. How would I respond to this gang? Would I run in fear. Would I be paralyzed by fear? Would I yell at them and throw my purse up in the air and try to create some awkward diversion. Or would I try to bargain with them for my life.

     But somehow, instinctively, I knew this was a simulation.

     How does one pass a test?

     You study.

     And say a prayer.

     I have been wrestling these past few weeks, with my "Non-existent" Crush. So much so, that at one point, one guy that I work with, who thinks that I have a boyfriend--of which I have not corrected him of this thought, asked me in cold blood, "How's Mr. Lucky?"

     You all already know what I said.

     I chuckle and say, "He's good."

     I know. I'm horrible.

     My next blog post will simply deal with the topic of:  "How do you reject someone without 'rejecting' someone?" I'm horrible at this, and I tend to skirt around the issue or as you know. Straight up, lie. Ugh. This is no good.

     That seems to be my go-to. Coupled with the fact that I wear a ring on my 'wedding' finger.

     But as corny as this sounds, I feel as though my heart is already taken. I just don't know by who yet. But I'll know when I know. Until then, God is keeping a close eye on my heart and the ring is dedicated to my commitment to Him.

     But I did have this re-occurring thought this past week: "I miss my husband."

     I know. I'm not married. Not dating anyone. But nevertheless, I miss him.

     And then Jealousy and Contempt started taunting me. "You're nothing without us. You know you want back in. Give up this good girl crap. You know you miss us."

     What does one do to pass a test?

     You study.

     And you say a prayer.

     I'm still wrestling a bit with my feelings about "Him". But at the same time, there's something beautiful that's happening in the wrestling. I'm learning.

     So today, I passed a test.

     Where I would have normally jumped to the worst of all conclusions, screamed Bloody Murder, and "How dare you disrespect me!" I paused. I now knew that those responses were products of my previous covenants with Jealousy and Contempt.

     But this time, I would take a bite of one of the "Fruit(s) of the Spirit--Patience".

     I was once told by a very wise older woman that "Patience was somethin' the Devil couldn't cultivate. But when you've chosen patience, you've made a pathway, like a fresh stream of water through a desert, to reach you straight from God to bring forth the very thing that you need the most."

     What do you do to pass a test?

     You study--patiently.

     You pray--talking to God while in the test, no matter how hard it gets and how uncomfortable you feel.

     And know that everything is going to be absolutely alright even when everything feels all wrong at the moment.

     --And that is when Jealousy and Contempt disappeared right before my eyes, like an old magic trick. Only leaving a billowing cloud of smoke where they once stood.

     And I found myself full of hope.  Not necessarily knowing all the answers, but enough to pass this distinct test.

     And that is how I passed a test.

Wisdom's Knocking:

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.