Full Figured

Photo Credit: Lindsay Coleman

     I'm so angry I could spit.

     I just got word, that one of my close lady friends just got the run around from one of our guy friends. He decided to pursue her, woo her, said sweet nothings in her ear, and basically wanted to make an honest woman of her.

     Then Cut To:

     He gets scared. He tells her that he's not attracted to her... Enough. And that's the only reason why he can't move forward with the relationship.

     What the f...

     Then why did you even toy with her emotions like this in the first place? Selfish.

     This could have been easily forgivable if he hadn't told her this multiple times throughout their friendship...yes, we are talking years and years and years of this "almost pursuit" and then he drops his infamous bomb. The sentiment and exact words being, "I want you, but I don't want you. You're just not pretty enough."

      Let me go find my nutcracker.

     I digress.

     Needless to say, my lady friend has walked through this all with grace and wisdom. Even when our guy friend was promising her the world and a future, something within her heart was simply saying "Let's go slow, and wait and see..." ...And then the truth surfaced. As it always tends to do.

     Now she has chosen to completely cut ties with him for good. Yes. Wise decision. She'll have to stay strong though, because in 6 months, I have a feeling he'll try to come crawling back with apologies, sweet talk, and the like.

     All in all, I'm pretty sure I'm more mad than she is. But I'm no fool. I know she's hurting and reeling from disappointment more than she'd like to.

     We as human beings crave true connection and intimacy more than anything else. What happens when that connection and intimacy comes in a package you weren't expecting? Will you still be grown-up enough to receive it? (Please believe. I'm preaching to myself here, too...)

     Are there still men out there who appreciate a woman with real womanly curves? Or am I living in some weird make believe world in my head?

     I understand that many people have their "preference".  I too had my preference back in the day. It was pretty simple, you needed to be Latino or Olive-Toned in some way shape or form...Puerto Rican, Cuban, Spanish, Brazilian, Italian, Israeli, etc. If you did not possess that particular ethnic background, I would not even consider looking at you in a romantic way. It just was not going to happen.

     But then somehow along the way, I found interesting connections (albeit, friendly) with guys that weren't any of those. I know. Shocking.

     In my circle of friends, most all would say that I only love skinny White guys, now. That's mostly true, but not entirely true. I simply love guys that get me and my quirkiness. I love and admire guys that live a certain lifestyle (I'm not talking monetarily here). And yes, many of those guys happen to be White. Which is interesting to me now, because of my previous Latino preferences, of whom I thought I was only attracted to. But needless to say, these days, I'm much more open.

     I'm not asking us to not be attracted to who we choose to be in a romantic relationship with. Attraction is a very important part of a relationship, it's just not the only component of a healthy and vibrant relationship.

     I'm just saying, if there's a spark of connection between you and someone else...recognize it.

     Don't cover it up. Don't try to pretend you didn't feel it or experience it--simply because the person that it came from surprised you or didn't fit your usual type. Because chances are, they felt it too.

     Only when you admit that there was a spark, can the true adventure begin. And truth be told, I think you'll enjoy what's on the other side. But here's the secret....In order to get to the other side...You'll have to be BRAVE.

     Man up. Woman up.

     Everyone may not be on board with your decision at first, and that's okay. They'll probably be more shocked than anything. They'll come around. Especially once they see the fruit of real love (not merely lust) emerging.

     But if you chose to ignore the spark (Or oddly abuse the spark for manipulation purposes) you'll never know what could have been...


     I love my figure. I love my shape. I love my...

     But more than that, I'm more convinced than ever that you and I have something extraordinary to bring to the table. Something that no one else can bring to a relationship.

     And when you connect with another person that recognizes that and gets you and chooses to be wholeheartedly brave. Oh, baby. That is truly magic, truly something special, truly Divine.

     Full figured or not.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”

So God formed from the dirt of the ground all the animals of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the Man to see what he would name them. Whatever the Man called each living creature, that was its name. The Man named the cattle, named the birds of the air, named the wild animals; but he didn’t find a suitable companion.

 God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.

The Man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.” Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame."

-Genesis 2:18-25