Well...Being Single...It's Not So Bad


     Just started going through all my Europe photos properly.

     People: There are over 1000 photos! I mean, I was taking pictures like it was my day job. Meanwhile, I get to relive over and over again the feelings and emotions of seeing pretty things, familiar things, foreign things. And I remember. And it makes me smile. Oh how I just love different cultures. I love the blend of old and new. By the way, most of the photos in this post will be from Italy, more specifically, Rome.

     Oh, yeah. And I'm single.

     But the way I see it, I've been afforded precious time to live adventurously, passionately, inquisitively, and honorably while being free and unattached. That aspect of singlehood is quite lovely.

     We won't go into my love of all things Christmas and how "Love Actually" is about to be on repeat in my house causing me to question the very idea of agreeing to a singleness vow that extends through the holidays.

     But nevertheless, we will stay strong! Here in this place, I look at my heart and I am so very proud. I'm so proud that I have the heart that I do. To My Heart: You are a beautiful champion. I never EVER thought I'd be in my 30s unmarried and without any real prospects. You my heart, my friend, amaze me. We're in this together. And I won't let you down. I'm learning again how to be a fearless Single-- independent, but not calloused and never despondent.

     My heart has been so free and protected this year. There's been far less of those posts from the perspective of a broken and wounded heart. But rather, there's been a new sense of life that has permeated every aspect of my being.

     And can I just tell you... I'm convinced God is helping me keep my own singleness vow. Any guy that I even think of considering or try to flirt with has either just entered into a relationship,  runs away from me, is in a relationship, or bats for the other team. No joke. This is real life. So I'm gonna calm my behind down until December 31st.

     I talked to my mom last night, she seemed to think that I might be holding onto bitterness when it comes to my own singleness. But I told her, "Hmm, I think I'm good though, but I'll pray about it." No joke, I get off the phone, pray about it, and do you know what gets highlighted to me...

     "Sexual Frustration"

     Yep. We keeps it real on this blog.

     I was once asked,

"What do you do about this sexual frustration? Especially since you don't have sex...??"

     Well, I know your next thought would be...well what about self-sex? And while this technique of relief works for countless folks, I personally don't subscribe to it. Not that I hadn't tried in my past, but it just felt empty and a bit weird. And what I really wanted was...well...a body on top of mine. Too much, too soon? Probably, but you celibate singles out there know what I'm talking about.

     So what do you do, Patrice?

     I dance. I get contemplative and write random disjointed blog posts. I have a glass of wine and watch a BBC show. You know, the usual.

     And I work pray through it.

My view from the Ponte Fabricio (Fabricius Bridge), Rome, Italy

     All this for what I consider to be the sacred apex of exchange between a man and a woman, God's mysterious and beautiful design.  So in essence, it doesn't just come down to intercourse, but rather, true and intimate contact with a human being. The actual unhindered closeness of a body next to yours, with full permission and acceptance. That's the goal. But often, this type of connection doesn't start with the body, but rather with the spirit and the soul and then the body. And that's the Cliff notes version of why I'm still a "unicorn".

     Okay. How the heck did we get here? I pity the poor person that simply wanted to see pretty pictures of Italy and got exposed to some weird singlehood sex talk. I'm sorry. And being single, it's really not that bad, really.

     At least not all the time.

     Oh, in case you couldn't tell from my photos, Italy is kinda romantic. But I was so distracted by eating every 2 hours and drinking wine that I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself. In fact, I think I felt quite giddy that entire trip.

     It was probably the gelato.

Wisdom's Knocking:

“At the least, bear patiently, if thou canst not joyfully. And although thou be very unwilling to hear it, and feel indignation, yet check thyself, and suffer no unadvised word to come forth from thy lips, whereby the little ones may be offended. Soon the storm which hath been raised shall be stilled, and inward grief shall be sweetened by returning grace.”

 ― Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ.