My Mind is Tellin' Me Noooo, But My Body Is Tellin' Me.....


     Let's just get into it. A couple weeks back. I got...sensations.

     I was hugging a co-worker good-bye and I immediately noticed that he didn't try and embrace my upper back, but instead, he was near sensation station. Also known as my booty.

     You all remember the blog post of which a vendor that I had been working with straight up smacked and cupped my booty. Yes. That happened.

     Well, this wasn't that.

     This guy had unexpected swag. With this guy, his hands merely grazed the the top of my backside ever so gently. But he knew what he was doing.

     This do I say...a pleasant surprise.

    I wish you could have seen my eyes. I wasn't trying to look euphoric, it just sort of happened.  And on top of that,  I'm almost positive my ovaries jumped.

     I know.  This all over such a small gesture. But can I just tell you, these small gestures become everything, especially when you are getting nothing.

     And then, the hug is over. I try to compose myself. I mean. It was just a hug. But afterwards, I needed a church fan.


     So shortly after the magician Mr. Cop-a-Feel had his way with me and we parted ways, I found myself in a very interesting state of mind...or body or something.

     My prayer throughout the week was straight up:

     Please Lord, help me to NOT make a baby. Amen and Amen.

     Luckily, there was no able body near me during my 'in heat' moment.

     That in itself was God's presence and answer and to prayer. #supertrue

     But an ill-timed awakening in my body was taking place, and it was proving difficult to robotically turn it off.

     One night in particular, I was almost positive I was going to have some weird porno-like dream upon closing my eyes and falling asleep.  But instead, I dreamed of something else in far greater detail.

     It was a play-by-play of flirtatious actions leading me into a new and real relationship with one of my current crushes.

     Sentiments were mutual between he and I. There was no hanky-panky, just honest to goodness "If you like me, circle yes" type stuff and the blossoming of our cute relationship.

     However, when I woke up, I felt claustrophobic -- not turned on.

     I felt the weight, the pressure and the responsibility of being in a relationship and all of a sudden it was as if someone had poured cold water all over me. #vibekilled

     Are you serious? I still have commitment issues?

     Or maybe its just commitment issues regarding him? At this stage of the game, what one thinks they know is blurry at best, and where one ends up winging it often proves to be genius. #trustGod

     But all of this depth explored, simply because someone grazed my booty.

     I'm also thinking about how no one has asked me out on an official date since Y2K. If you don't know what that is. That makes my point even more rich.

     Or how no one (Perverts and unwanted man gropers need not apply) has genuinely caressed the right side and left side of my face in their hands with gentle intention since 2001.

     We singles need affection daily, DANGIT. (And let me add: From people we feel safe with.)

     Isn't there something to be said, when babies aren't held and touched they are lacking in development in so many ways. I don't think we lose that as adults, I just think we suppress it or go haywire and then try to overstimulate for lost time.

     With that said, I'm not quite sure what else to do about my lack of affection and semi-awakened sensations,  other than to acknowledge it and write to you about it.

     Oh, but there is another temporary remedy...

     Tonight,  I'm choosing to not let my mind get too carried away with my current affection lack. Instead, I'm just baking brownies.

     Yes, it's true, I cannot wait until the day that I'm held and doted on.

     But until then I'm just going to eat the entire pan of brownies I just baked. #WhatSaySomethin

Wisdom's Knocking:

 Your skin like dawn
Mine like musk

 One paints the beginning
of a certain end.

 The other, the end of a
sure beginning.

 -- Maya Angelou, "Passing Time "