The things we do to be seen. My Lord.
And I'm often aware that us girls can be master manipulators.
So my prayer constantly is: "Lord, help me get out of my own way..."
Not too long ago, I orchestrated something, in the hopes that when the picture of the event went live online, a particular person--No, A particular man would see it, then comment on it. And would then see me in a different light.
And then...he would be so enamored by my sense of adventure, my ability to have such rich friendships, and such an exciting and enticing life...
He'd then be curious about me and would feel compelled to get to know me and date me.
And then love me.
And then marry me. Naturally.
How could he not?
End of story.
I know, I know.
It's embarrassing to share.
So all parties involved in today's "adventure" were for the most part used by me, to facilitate this grand scheme of sorts.
Lame. Believe me, I'm aware.
And my apologies to all parties involved. Although, they probably don't know who they are...because I'm often that good. Ugh. I know. Horrible.
The overall point being.....anything that I try to produce out of my own manipulative striving and selfish gain ends up being wack-tastic. A fleeting and cheap regifting and regurgitation of the real thing.
But anything I let God do and begin to orchestrate through a sense of trust and rest ends up becoming a gift of eternal weight, and a blessing beyond what I could have ever imagined--and not just for myself, but for all parties involved.
And that's what I want---truly.
The lasting gift-- not the temporary half-baked gift...on loan.
So my prayer again tonight is: "Lord, help me get out of my own way..."
And not be such a dang clever master manipulator.
And to have patience for the real thing...
"The chief means of resisting manipulation is humility – knowing who we really are and facing it.
You can only serve by love. You can only love by choice.
True love cannot be the result of decree, force or manipulation."
- Gayle D. Erwin