It's been one of those tender seasons for me.
But now, I feel like I can write about it.
I tried writing this piece several times before, earlier this week, but it the timing wasn't quite right. There was a missing component.
But yesterday, the missing component showed up.
And here I am.
My mom, who works at a high school (and was just rewarded Employee of the Year, by the way....#prouddaughter) and I have frequently talked about how prevalent anxiety and depression is in this generation. Especially among young adults and teenagers.
And yet this is the privileged generation, are we not?
We are reaping the bounty that came forth by way of the blood, sweat, and tears of our grandparents and great-grandparents. And yet, we have gotten ourselves in new cages, new prisons, with different battles to face and conquer. Our new and dangerous frontier of sorts--which has become the war in our minds.
I think one of the most crippling components of anxiety is a sense of hopelessness.
Because everything just starts unraveling so fast, that you almost don't have time to catch your breath.
And that's how I felt this past week.
It's like, in a moment, all that you think you know about God just vanishes, and you try to rationalize every single thing. Which leaves you even more hopeless, when trying to see these things without God. Because the Tree of the knowledge of good and evil can never give you lasting fruit or peace--just information...
But only the One who is the true Tree of Life can give peace and real tangible hope.
I feel like I relearn this afresh every few months or so.
It was clear this week, I not only wanted but needed to experience the closeness of God--the One who is nearer to us than a mother or a brother.
So in the midst of my mind swirling, I became desperate. I needed faces of love and comfort around me and not necessarily Netflix.
And so I drove. I drove out to see my friend and her family.
And I was still anxious and still uneasy, but being around them made it better.
And then they prayed for me.
And my tears, started streaming down my face like tiny hot rivers.
And the prayers continued.
And then I was hugged. And held. Like a child again.
And an avalanche of all the pain I had bottled up these past few weeks, fell to the floor.
Disappointment. Fear of death. Fear of my loved ones dying. Fear of being abandoned in life...because I couldn't see or hear or feel the tangible hope of God in my pain...until right then.
And God came through their hands and hugs and gave me comfort and hope and peace.
I felt and knew that I wasn't alone.
And that in all of this, I truly was with someone--together.
Being a single grown woman at times is rough.
But it truly is God who places us in families. No matter what are status is in life. The invitation is always extended.
Because I know now more than ever, that we are not meant to do the work alone, not now, and not ever.
We need family. Even if our current mothers and fathers are still alive, and especially if they are not. Just know, that it's a promise from God that He will place you in and give you a family (Psalm 68:5-6)
It's sometimes hard to fully comprehend that as Believers we will never be separated from the Love of God. Especially in times of pain. But the promise still stands. And oh my goodness, what an incredible promise it is.
With that said, I hope to spend my entire lifetime gazing at, knowing, and experiencing this Love.
It took me a moment to fall asleep last night. But I did.
And I felt peace. The peace that I had been missing and been without for the last couple of weeks.
It often pays off to be tender.
But even more so...together.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace
as you trust in him, so that you may overflow
with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
- Romans 15:13