Those Moments You Feel Dumb


    So, most of you know that I was working The Grammys this past week. And I'm still a little shell shocked that I made it through and managed to write throughout the entire week! Seriously, though. I can no longer rely on my excuse of being SOOO busy as a way to hide behind my hearts' true desire to write. You truly make time for what you want to make time for. #truth

     I'm a little bummed that I didn't get to write to you all yesterday though, but this journey of my writing has been inspired by Jon Acuff's 30 Days of Hustle where he encourages us to pursue a dream-- a goal of ours with dedication. Each day of this journey with Jon and many others across the country has been such a gift and a learning experience. This is what Jon told us on day 22:
"Perfection is not the goal. Never was, never will be. We’re not aiming for a perfect month, we’re aiming for a month more awesome than last month." 

     And come day 27 and day 28, I'm clinging to those words of encouragement and giving myself grace in the process, as I am EXHAUSTED today.

     So exhausted that I feel as though I cannot form sentences when I talk to people.

     Such was the case yesterday as well, while I was wrapping out for the show.

     A few days back, while I was neck deep in celebrity demands and drama,  I dropped the ball with one of my vendors and a majority of their merchandise went missing.

     I did my best to locate it, but to no avail. #wack

     In trying to remedy the situation, my communication skills were about a .1 on a scale of 1 to 10. And the back and forth between this vendor and I was full of miscommunication on my part. It was embarrassing to say the least.

     But here I was, an intelligent person, not able to properly communicate the necessary information and/or solutions. Which then in essence confused and disappointed my vendor.

     I felt like we were in that Abbott and Costello bit of "Who's on First". I promise you, everything that I was saying and relaying to my special vendor, was being misunderstood. So much so, by the end of the night last night, they were so frustrated and I was so delirious that they simply said, "Oh, just forget it!"

     I was left there feeling awful, irresponsible, and with no options to remedy the situation.

     And there has been no communication since...

     Have you been there? Just feeling like you can't fully express or communicate the needed information. Whether it be your heart, your thoughts, or logistics at your work place...?

     We and often other people demand perfection from ourselves. And when that perfection doesn't arrive in a nice package, we often get frustrated, discount ourselves, and become hopeless.

     Nevertheless, in the midst, I want to encourage you and I that we by no means, have to stay stuck in that scenario. Resolve will come. It may come later, it may look differently than you want it to look, but it will come.

     Part of my resolve regarding this situation involves 2 key things:

1. Humility

2. Letting Go

    Humility: I have to be willing to take responsibility for my choice and my mistakes. It's key not to do the "hot potato" blame game. The sooner you can take responsibility for the choices you make, the freer you actually become. It's quite amazing.

     Letting Go: It's so important for me to know that I am not God. I don't make the sun rise and a baby breathe on its own. And with that said, I have to willfully entrust the situation to God. I simply tell Him, "I know I screwed up, I'm sorry. And there's nothing more that I can do. I need and want you to be in the mix and bring Your resolve and redemption to both parties involved. #amen

Wisdom's Knocking:

"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good."

-- John Steinback


Photo Credit: David Whitlow
    Why do I find it so difficult to ask for help? I mean, I know that I am uber independent, but I also know that I cannot do everything on my own. And even when someone offers to help, I find myself refusing, even when I know that I need help. Oh, my foolish pride.

     If you've reached out your hand to me, and if I've refused, please don't mind my foolish pride. I need you far more than I think. Just stay persistent with me. Your love will not go unseen or unappreciated.

Wisdom's Knocking:

You don't have to always do it alone. It's okay to ask for help.