Saturated

     

     Do you ever feel over-loved in the places that are already saturated, and unwatered in the places of your heart that are dry?

     Sometimes, I feel as though people give me encouragement and love in the area that is already saturated with attention and affection, but they completely neglect the area that I am hoping encounters love, restoration and saturation.

Words of Wisdom:

Don't forget to water the dry places.

Teenagers

     

     Many of you know that I am privileged to be a youth pastor/youth director at a small church in Studio City, California.

     It has been one of the scariest and most rewarding adventures of my life. And as with most life altering experiences, it was unplanned. Never in a million years would I have thought of being a youth pastor. And definitely not a unmarried youth pastor.  *Insert painful laugh here*

     Four years ago, I gave God all my reasons why I shouldn't be a youth pastor. The main reasons being, I couldn't fit into a mold, and I wouldn't know what the heck I'd be doing. I'm pretty sure I heard God say, "Perfect" and chuckle.

     My first day, I was uber awkward, and there was about 2 teenagers. But after that first youth "meeting", I felt amazing. I was hooked. Yes, I didn't know what I was doing, and I clearly didn't fit into a mold, but I felt something that I hadn't felt in a long time. Faith.

     I could no longer rely on my own intellect, logic, or charismatic ability to determine and fix all of the possible scenarios. I truly had to excercise faith. Every Sunday.

     I spent nights crying in fear that I would permanently damage or confuse the young minds and hearts of tomorrow through the midst of my learning to be a leader.

     And that is when God's grace would meet me in unexpected ways. And I began to receive God's love for myself for the first time in a long time. God wanted to give of Himself uniquely to me through this adventure. And for me, this has become the sole reason and motivation for me being a youth pastor.  I experience an intense closeness with God, like no other, by being a vulnerable youth pastor.


     I've learned more about patience, selflessness, love, faith, and identity by spending time with some of the most amazing teenagers on the planet. They are incredibley intelligent, extremely expressive, witty, and hopeful for the future that they will inherit. I have been so blessed to know that there are people on this planet like them.

     What started out as 2 teenagers on an awkward Sunday, has now blossomed into 20 teenagers  (Ranging from Jr. High to High School) that have captured my heart, my time, and my attention. And not just on Sundays. 

     The one harsh reality about walking through life with teenagers is their constant mood swings. One week they feel as though they can conquer the world and love you to pieces. And the next week they are angry at the world and want to give up.

     If I'm not careful, I find myself swinging back and forth with their uncertainties and mood swings, which in turn brings about fear, the true enemy of love.

     Before becoming a person surrounded by teenagers, I had forgotten what it was like to constantly search for identity and purpose with such intensity.  I had also forgotten the constant battle of trust that teenagers go through, especially if they've been let down their whole lives. It becomes extremely difficult for them to not only trust me, but the reality and notion that they are Loved.

     Because when you know that you are loved, your actions are governed by something so much more beautiful and life-giving than fear could ever do. 

     Most of what I teach is birthed out of that simple truth:  You are already loved. You were loved by God before the foundations of the earth. You were loved before you had a plan for your life. You were loved before you got your act together. You were loved before you decided in your mind that you were ugly. You were and are loved.

     The message of Love is not only difficult to teach to teenagers, but even more difficult to live out with integrity. I know I have failed many times, and at times, in front of those very teenagers.

     But if it wasn't for the amazing family of leaders around me (Rick, Pam, Dina, Jess, David, Toby, Eric, Michelle, Kim L., Sarah, Sandy, and Pat) I would have dropped out of sight and off course a long time ago. These folks deserve a blog all unto themselves. Which will happen later this year.

     I have no idea how long I will be a youth pastor, heck, I had no idea I'd be one in the first place. But what I do know, is that my life has been changed for the better, because I simply said in my heart first, "Yes, if no one else will do it...I'll do it."

     It was faith that hooked me into this crazy adventure with God, but it in the end, it will be Love that sustains me.

Words of Wisdom:

Though the wind my blow and arrows may fly, remember to stay the course.

Johnny Depp & I

   

     First off, I'd like to personally thank everyone who responded to my last blog titled "Magnet".  It was great to hear feedback from you via Facebook or in person. It's also fascinating to me how many people can relate to this mystery of chemistry.

     But alongside this notion of chemistry, you'll find the list of our hopes and desires. Many times you'll hear of the lists that women create for their Ideal Husband. And even though, women may seem a bit psychotic when it comes to the "List", men have their set of hopes and desires as well. They may not write it down on 4 pages of stationary paper, but they are very much of aware of what it is they like when it comes to a lady.

     So can I tell you something? I have the biggest crush on Johnny Depp. Not the Johnny Depp of 2011, but the Johnny Depp of  the classic television show, "21 Jump Street", circa 1988. More accurately, I loved Officer Tom Hanson, the character Johnny played on the show. And just in case you were wondering...Yes, I own 3 seasons of 21 Jump Street on DVD. I'm about to purchase Seasons 4 & 5 this month.

     I'm constantly trying to understand and know what it is that I truly want when it comes to romance. With excitement, friends and family have been asking me for years, what it is that I like and desire in a man. And in the past I have given such detailed answers that it has left people wide-eyed, leading them directly to prayer. Mostly because they felt that it could only occur by a miracle of God.

     My answer these days is much more simple, but my standards are just as high:
         
     I desire the person made for me.

     I don't simply want to fulfill my own romantic whims and desires anymore. I want to share my life in a new way. I want to share the love that has been birthed in me to a new generation. I want to adventure with the Great loves of my life (God, Family, and Friends). All in all, I hope to make someone very happy.

:::::

     And yes, this past week, Johnny Depp actually walked past me in my workplace hallway. No lie. My heart was stirred with curiosity and excitement, but not necessarily with love.

     Nevertheless, there will always be a special place in my heart for Officer Tom Hanson.

Words of Widsom:

Sometimes what you want, is not necessarily what you need.

Magnet

     I'm always curious about chemistry.

     Like, what causes us to be attracted to the people in our lives? Whether it's a friend or a crush, chemistry is almost tangible. You know it and recognize it when you're in the midst of it. But the true beauty and mystery of that chemistry may take a whole lifetime to explore.

     It's even more interesting to me that I cannot seem to muster up chemistry artificially. It's either there, or it isn't. When it is, there's a grace and ease. When it's not, it feels like pushing against a tide.

     In the last several years, I've met a handful of people by what I consider, divine appointment. It's as if Something had been drawing us together through space and time. And when we met, it was like coming home. A sweet sense of rest.

     On the flipside, chemistry scares me a bit. We've all had that instance, where we've met someone and we feel like we've known them our whole lives. And the idea of vulnerability gets put on the table very quickly--the stakes are high. It's in those moments, that I realize this person has the ability to break my heart or cause me to fly.

     And it looks as if chemistry has a choice...What will be chosen? That is where time teaches us these lessons. Truth be told, I'm in the middle of that lesson right now. I'll let you know how it goes in the next few months.

     Until then...

Wisdom's Knocking:

Chemistry is not to be ignored, but tenderly discovered.

Death Defying

Picture of Annie Taylor: She made the first barrel trip over Niagara Falls in 1901 and lived.

     It always hurts a little when you know someone out there is holding a grudge against you, unless you are incredibly callous or aloof.

     I, on the other hand, love to feel-- which in turn has it's amazing crescendos and subsequently, some very dark days.

     We always think that we are right in our own eyes, but it's incredibly humbling to learn that, not only are we imperfect, but we have the capacity to hurt individuals unintentionally. The art of communication is truly one to be respected. It is to be nurtured like any other art form, or one will become inept to the subtle meanings and cries of our friends and lovers.

     My pride has blinded me at times, but my heart is to truly surrender to love and kindness always. One of my favorite quotes: 

     "Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness." C.S. Lewis

     I want to live the expression of that, daily. My spirit is willing, but the flesh is so weak.

     I'm stirred to defend myself when those that have been hurt by my words and actions, react out of their pain (By ignoring me, talking negatively about my character, wishing me ill will, etc.). But what do I expect? They have been legitimately hurt. Is their pain not real? No, their pain is just as real as mine.

     My spirit is willing. 

    And I decide again to walk in love the best way that I know how: Forgiveness. Daily. Every minute if necessary.

    And yes, it feels like a death has occurred within me. But if I've learned anything about death, it's simply the seed for resurrection.

Wisdom's Knocking:

The story is not over until it's over.