Sustainer or Drainer?

     
Photo Credit: Evan Kaufmann


     You can only be one.

_____________________


     Oddly enough, needy people (a.k.a. Drainers) often think they are life-givers (a.k.a. Sustainers).

     And that's where it can get tricky...

     Who are you in your friendships? A Sustainer or a Drainer. In your workplace? A Sustainer or a Drainer?  In your day to day interactions. A Sustainer or a Drainer?


     I can tell you this, I'm being much more intentional this year by surrounding myself with more Sustainers than ever before. And yes, everyone has bad days. That's not what we are talking about here. We are talking about your overall consistency in life.

     How can you tell which one you are?

     Here are a few clues:


     Traits of Drainer:

1. Ruled by fear (known or unknown) and entitlement.

2. There is a lack of vision. They are mostly stuck on what is happening right in front of them. Instead what lies farther ahead...including a solution that may be just a few steps ahead.

3. Often places high demands on friends, whether it be their time, resources, or presence on a consistent basis.

4. They often don't take the time to own their own emotional hang-ups and insecurities, but instead look to others to find solutions for them.

5. They are usually unaware or highly insensitive to other people's feelings (whether it be a one-on-one setting or a group setting), because they haven't grasped and learned how to honor and love people beyond their own feelings and circumstances.


     Some of the ways we are affected by a Drainer:

 1. Time with them sucks the life out of you.

2. You feel sad, down, or semi-depressed after interacting with them.

3. You feel like you either need to come to their ultimate rescue or completely fix them or their problems on a consistent basis. As if it were an unbearable burden on your shoulders only.
______________________


      Traits of Sustainer:

1. Authentically Humble and constantly Grateful.

2. Their outlook and vision is always bent towards success, no matter how impossible the situation. When a problem arises, they are quick to not dwell on the problem, but the possible solutions. And this is often why Sustainers have goals they are able to consistently reach, even if the goal has to be reworked and rethought out.

3.  They understand that hard work is a part of any good process and are not resentful because of blood, sweat, and tears.

4. They are constantly aware of the needs of others and not just themselves. Their friendships are healthy and balanced and ever maturing.

5. Often, they have stellar social etiquette, social skills, and emotional intelligence, simply because they know how to honor and love people well.

     Some of the ways we are affected by a Sustainer:

 1. You feel inspired and challenged in the best way by being in their presence.
2. You feel more at peace by simply being around them.
3. You feel like you can completely be yourself in any given mood you may have. (Although, with a Sustainer, often smiles and laughter are involved.)


______________________



     Now you get to choose. Each new day. Which will you be? A Drainer or a Sustainer.

     You can only be one.




Wisdom's Knocking:

"I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." 

-Jesus
(John 10:10)









Ladieeeez, You Deserve This

     
Photo Credit: Evan Kaufmann


     I have so much to share with you in the days ahead. My life has been very colored these past few weeks. But before we get into the story of my ongoing love and life sagas, I wanted to take a little detour.

     I came across this article from one of my favorite sites: www.DrMercola.com

     Close friends and family who know me, know that I'm a bit of a "Freddie" (Think "A Different World"). I'm a bit of a boho broad. I'm not completely juices, nuts, and berries, but I'm on a road that seems to be leading more and more into wild open spaces.

     With that said, I love how God has made our bodies. I'm constantly fascinated with the care and complexity of which are bodies have been made, and that our bodies have the ability to heal themselves, blows my mind. And to top it all off,  the fact that nature (Water, sunlight, etc.) works in symphony with our human experience almost makes me want to cry.

     Dr. Mercola stresses a more natural and holistic approach when it comes to heath and wellness. He's not simply about treating the symptom and the surface effect, but rather he is constantly dealing with the root issue of the things that have made us sick...as a culture (which many times involves a lifestyle change, not just pills). Thus his website is a wellspring of knowledge. I urge you to take a peak at it sometime or hop on his email list.

     So as I was saying, I was on Dr. Mercola's site and I came across this...


Dr. Northrup’s Top 10 Health Tips for Women:  
In this interview, Dr. Northrup shares her top 10 tips for women’s health:

1. Get enough sleep: Proper sleep is essential for optimal health, and it helps metabolize stress hormones better than any other known entity. 
2. Meditate for at least 3-12 minutes each day, to calm and soothe your mind. 
3. Begin your day with a positive affirmation. 
4. Exercise regularly. Ideally, aim for a comprehensive program that includes high intensity exercises and strength training along with core-building exercises and stretching. 
5. Breathe properly. When you breathe in and out fully through your nose, you activate your parasympathetic rest-and-restore nervous system, which expands the lower lobes of your lungs, and therefore engages the vagus nerves.  
“Relax the back of your throat. So many women have thyroid problems – it’s from chronic tension here; because you’re pretty sure your feminine voice isn’t going to be heard. It hasn’t been heard for 5,000 years. You’re not alone. But it’s being heard now,” she says. 
6. Practice self love and unconditional acceptance. Dr. Northrup suggests looking at yourself in the mirror at least once a day, and saying: “I love you. I really love you.”  
“After 21 days, something will happen to you. You’ll see a part of you that looks back at you, and you begin to believe it. “I love you. I really love you.” 
7. Optimize your vitamin D levels. Get your vitamin D level checked. Ideally, you’ll want your levels within the therapeutic range of 50-70 ng/ml. According to Dr. Northrup:  
“Sunlight is not the enemy. It’s lack of antioxidants in your diet that is the enemy. Natural light is a lovely source of vitamin D; you can’t overdose. But many people – to get their levels of vitamin D into optimal – are going to need 5,000 to 10, 000 international units per day. So, vitamin D is important. You can get your level drawn through MyMedLab.com without a doctor’s prescription." 
Just remember that if you take high doses of oral vitamin D, you also need to boost your intake of vitamin K2. For more information on this, please see my previous article, What You Need to Know About Vitamin K2, D and Calcium. 
8. Cultivate an active social life; enjoy some face-to-face time with likeminded people. 
9. Epsom salt baths (20 minutes, three times per week) are a simple, inexpensive way to get magnesium into your body. 
10. Keep a gratitude journal. Each night, before you go to bed, write down five things that you are grateful for, or five things that brought you pleasure. 
“Remember: every emotion is associated with a biochemical reality in your body. So, you want to bring in the emotions of generosity, pleasure, receiving, and open-heartedness. The same things that create heart health create breast health.”

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     And there you have it ladies. 

     So make sure, that in this fast-paced, whirlwind of a year called 2013 and every year to come, that you truly take the time to treat yo'self right.







Wisdom's Knocking: 

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson








4 Ways to Stop Goldbricking

Photo Features: Victoria Clemmons


     Did you know that the word "Goldbrick" is a synonym for "Procrastinate"? Seriously. I know. I couldn't believe it either. This is what the internets have told me. So it must be true.

     With that said, I have been goldbricking it up all day today. 

     I feel a little bit ashamed.

    I mean, what does it mean when we procrastinate?

     Obviously we don't want to face the task at hand. But why? And how can we break out of this habit of procrastination?

     I gather fear and laziness are the nasty little culprits underneath our lack of excitement when approaching a necessary responsibility. And below, I'll share a few quick tips to help us both get out of this procrastination rat wheel.

---

     When do you find yourself procrastinating the most? When you have a big meeting, getting ready for work, an assignment to prepare for, a research paper to write, a screenplay to finish, a book to read, working out, a resume to send out, a person to email back, a call to return? I can honestly answer a big fat yes to all of those.

     If you're anything like me, you like to feel free and not controlled or boxed in whatsoever, so the thought of being boxed in by a responsibility can be overwhelming at times, and creating a schedule in your life makes you already feel like you want to punch someone in the face. But how about I paint the picture this way...we are developing discipline. Not simply rigid rules and stipulations. And trust me, we want the fruits of what discipline can bring into our lives.

     Hear me out. 

     When you create boundaries in life, you actually allow yourself a clearer defined area of freedom within those boundaries, instead of being completely scattered and not clear of mind in any area or expertise, which in turn is actually bondage and not freedom at all.

     Put it this way. When does a small child usually feel most free, alive, and safe? When they are in an open area with no defined play area, or in a playground or open yard with defined boundaries of some sort?



     It's interesting that boundaries, not only create a safe place but also encourage more freedom and individual productivity. Instead of being a mediocre and insecure "Jack of all Trades", you become an Expert of being authentically you in your chosen trade.

     So how do we make this idea of boundaries and freedom work in the realm of procrastination?? What is it about procrastination that can adhere to such guidelines and discipline?

    First, let's remember that procrastination finds its fuel in fear and laziness. So be sure to starve yourself of those two attributes whenever you can.

     And now, let's look at 4 ways to break out of the cycle of procrastination in your life (And my life!).


1. Make the Task Somehow FUN

     On most days, I want to feel like I'm on an Indiana Jones Adventure. Even if I'm doing something mundane like making copies at a copier. But it's true, if you approach your task at hand with a spritz of joy, it won't be as daunting. Plus, if you are able to, like when you are writing, cleaning, or working on a project, incorporate listening to your favorite CD or choosing to reward yourself in some small way once the task is completed (I always seem to reward myself with food, massages, movies, or pedicures, but I'm sure there are other ways.)

2. Set a Schedule

     If you are making a decision to work out, it won't just happen by magic or simply because you think it. "A goal without a plan is just a wish". Look, I'm preaching to myself as well. I'm suppose to be chipping away at my current screenplay, but I have dusted that thing off since last month. But I digress. But as it goes, I'm relegating Wednesdays and Thursdays to chipping away at my script for at least 2 hours on those days. Then this gets written in every calendar that my eyes see in my life (iPhone, iCalendar, Gmail, etc.). There's something powerful about writing your schedule out.

3. Be Kind to Yourself

     There's no need to beat yourself up in the process. That's not going to help you or anyone else in the long run. You are much stronger than you know. And you are capable of far more than what you've seen so far. Truly. Also, tell yourself the benefits of how you'll feel once you accomplish and complete the at-hand task.


4. Just Do It

     Nothing like a good ol' kick in the pants. At the end of the day, you simply need to do what needs to get done. So you might as well do it with a smile on your face and a kind attitude. You'll be glad that you did. Plus it feels good to finish the little milestones along the way. Turns out, these little milestones prove to be far more important than we had first realized.






Wisdom's Knocking:

“The absence of limitations is the enemy of art.” 
 ― Orson Welles




Freedom.

Photo Credit: Hannah Anderson


I'm not quite sure how and when it fully happened. But it did.

My emotions and feelings jumped off me and onto a cliff somewhere by a lake.

And then they jumped.

And then they drowned.

It's weird how you can feel something so strongly for someone one moment, and feel nothing for them the next.

But then I was able to see the picture fully, for what it truly was.

I had been released.

Oddly enough, I didn't know I was in a prison.

But I had been.

Now my heart is free and open once again. Expectant for all the new possibilities of a new adventure that lies ahead.

Did I mention I'm going to Paris this year? We'll get into that later...

Moving forward,

I'll never regret giving my heart away.

But boy, is it it good to have it back.

This new day of freedom cost me a great deal of tears, but afforded me a great deal of prayers from the likes of you.

And now I find myself laughing.

The way in which my life plays out. You know, never how you expect it to.




I've learned to keep on dreaming, even if it breaks my heart.

I know it sounds weird, but disappointment can actually birth new life...if you let it.

It gives you PAUSE. True indeed.

And you're forced to start again. To start over.

Which is not necessarily a bad thing...

And as I look at my feelings and emotions fall off a cliff, leaving me free of a heavy burden, I bless my storyline and the storyline of others.

Yes, maybe things didn't quite play out as we had expected, but there's no need to hold resentment or bitterness in our hearts.

Forgive and bless.

(As quickly as possible)

Wish them the absolute best. And mean it.

And be free to move forward. To find your passion. To find your calling. To find your love.

In all its discoverable glory.

A new adventure awaits for you and I. One that we've been waiting for, for oh so long.

My part in your journey may not be as substantial as we'd thought it would be, but there was still a part to be played. And the same goes for you. So, thank you for your part in my journey.

And now, Reader, you and I begin again.

Like this month, we will March into something real, something ready, and something just for us.

Oh, the beauty of new beginnings.

How good it feels to start to fly-- once again.




Wisdom's Knocking:

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night 
Take these broken wings and learn to fly 
All your life 
You were only waiting for this moment to arise"

-- The Beatles