To Anonymous:

Photo Credit: Evan Kaufmann

     Last month, I received one of thee most encouraging and loving comments on my blog ever. It was left anonymously under my blog post: "I Only Feel Ugly Around You."

     Here's what Anonymous wrote:

Hello! 

I stumbled upon your blog recently- it was one of those days where I killed time following the little link road and exploring the interwebs. I just have it on my heart to tell you a few things: a) you are an incredible writer. b) from the outside, I can tell you that your honesty is seriously refreshing. c) your faith is soo encouraging. I am working against sounding creepy here, which may be inevitable on some level but I really wanted to tell you that what you write is valuable and far reaching. Some of the things you have written have hit me quite hard and I really feel the wisdom that God has shared with you. So, thank you! Be encouraged in what you do, who you are and where you are at in life right now. It is beautiful.

     I'm a words girl. And a sure-fire way to get into my heart is through the art of hugs, kindness, and words. It's that simple really.

     I was thinking about this comment a lot this morning. I was trying to be a bit of a Sherlock Holmes. But let's be real, you know I was wondering if it was a man or a woman who left this comment. To Anonymous: If you are a woman, please ignore the rest of this blog post. I'm not one to swing that way, and I don't want to be a tease. But if you're a man, I simply want to say God bless your ministry and I'm definitely intrigued. Mostly, I'm interested in what it is that you write about in life.

     From the way in which Anonymous so crafted their comment, I'm gathering that they are a fellow writer. I mean, do you see that sentence structure! Good Lord. I may simply marry this person for their beautiful use of grammar.

     Shocking News Alert:

     Yes, I went to film school. No, I've never seen "Sleepless in Seattle" or "You've Got Mail" but from the trailers and previews I've seen, I've gathered all I need to know to create my own scenario with my own Anonymous in my mind.

     Of course I'm wondering if I've seen you in real life? Are we complete strangers to one another? Do we have mutual friends? Do we know each other? Were we at the same coffee shop a few weeks back? Are you somewhere living in New York on your way to Paris? I may never know.

     But what that comment from Anonymous did for me at the end of the day...Well, it simply made me feel beautiful and loved. Contrary to what I had been experiencing during the writing of that particular post.

     That comment also caused me to dream and to grasp once again, ever so tenderly, that what God is doing in me, in my life and around me, is absolutely beautiful.

    So to Anonymous: Thank you. Thank you so very much.

     Love,
     Patrice

Wisdom's Knocking:

Random acts of kindness go a long, long way, 

and often open unexpected doors of blessing.

Time With You

Photo Credit: Evan Kaufmann

I am making intentional time for you.

Out of the thousands of people in our lives.

I am making intentional time for you.

Out of the thousands of reasons not to.

I am making intentional time for you.

Last month passed.

And I made intentional time for someone else. And that was a big deal.

This month is beginning.

And I'm ready for intentional time with you.

And now, after all this time, you're standing in front of me, with arms wide open.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Be still. And be loved." - K.T.

Piners Anonymous

Photo Credit: Joshua Anderson

Unofficial definition of a Piner: 

a) A person who is romantically and deeply emotionally attached to another person who does not reciprocate the same feelings. b) One who constantly tries to be seen by and/or checks on (Ehem....stalks in a variety ways both electronically or in person) a person that one is interested in. Especially when the feelings are not reciprocated:  

"Susie and Frank had been best friends for years. But it was clear to everyone on the outside that Susie was a complete piner when it came to Frank."

     I always feel waaaaaay to vulnerable when I like someone. I just want to be around them, for no apparent reason. I feel as though I'm at the mercy of someone else's whims, moods, and attention.You know how it is. You unintentionally give the person you like, a certain power over you. And you start to feel jello-y and awkward. You know, it's like butterflies on crack. And when that person smiles your way, texts you, compliments you, something happens to the chemistry in your body and the beats of your heart.

     Well, I'm a little embarrassed to admit, that I've been teetering on the verge of being a legit piner these last few weeks. Dangit. And it sucks. I do not---I repeat, I do not want to be a piner. I've been there plenty of times before, and I only end up looking foolish, getting hurt and hating myself for it. But somehow, I have not learned my lesson...

     Sometimes being a "Unicorn", like myself, makes you a little too dreamy eyed and makes you jump the gun just a little too fast when it comes to matters of love. Because you see, we Unicorns are fierce hopeless romantics.

     But alas, here we are. And I feel a little dumb. Well actually a lot dumb.

     I'll still choose to love him, but not in the way I had originally planned and hoped for. And I'll back away ever so slightly from our friendship, until he doesn't know that I'm gone at all. Not because I really want to. But simply for self preservation. Because at this point, it hurts too much to watch and pine.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.”

- Richard Bach

"The Last 2 Virgins on Earth" - Part Deux & The Unicorns

Photo Credit:

Joshua Anderson

     It seems as if my original post from 2012, "The Last 2 Virgins on Earth" stirred up some thangs.

     Not my sex life.

     But nevertheless, some thangs.

     So against my better judgement, I decided to expound a bit on this. I told myself that I wouldn't go towards this topic on my blog, because it's

extremely

personal. But hey, it's 2013. The world's already ended (Thank you, Mayans), so what do I have to lose? My pride? Ha. Did I tell you that I almost walked straight into a wall yesterday. So yeah, my pride is pretty much a dwindling factor in all of this.

     Plus, I'm banking on the fact that you may never remember this post after you read it.

     So here we go...

     Yes. I have my "V membership card". In other words...

     I'm a virgin.

     Let's let that sink in for a bit.

     And let me now go pace my room for about 10 minutes, because I can't believe I just put myself on blast like that.

     Okay. I'm back.

     For some of you, this may be the most shocking news you've heard since Lance Armstrong admitted he's a liar.

     You may be feeling confused, pity, angry, delighted, relieved, encouraged, or suspicious of my choice to remain in the V-club for so long.

     For others of you, this won't phase you at all. And now you've gone back to checking your Facebook page.

     But let me paint a little bit of a back drop for you lovely people that may be absolutely shocked by my current confession.  There is a whole sub-culture of people that are living their daily, weekly, monthly, yearly lives not yet (or postponing) enjoying the thrills and bliss of a great sex life... and yes, by a very intentional choice.

     Now I understand that there are a variety of reasons why people make such a choice, but I'll simply share my own reasons.

     It first started out that I just wanted to be a good Christian girl.

     But then, all the good Christian girls around me, were already having sex.

     But I wasn't ready to take the plunge.

     As corny as it sounds, I truly wanted to give my body as a gift to my future husband, or a gift to God until my husband came.

     And then I turned 19.

     And I'm in college. Living in Malibu.

     I have my first

real

kiss.

     Good LORD.

     I'm ABOUT kissing. Praise the Lord for good kissers! You know who you are!

     But I still wasn't ready to give my whole body away.

     And then I graduated college.

     I go to grad school.

     And time continues to pass.

     Last kiss = 2001.

     What the what?!!!

     And then it's 2013.

     I can honestly tell you, that if God wasn't in my life, the way in which He's in my life, meaning...I've given Him control over

every

part of my life. Not just the part I lead on Sundays. If God wasn't in my life, in the unique way that he is, this blog post subject would read something like..."My Awesome Random Afternoon Delight Adventure -- Part 10" (Some of you will get that reference).

     Because you see, I'm ABOUT sex. I think God is genius for being the author of it.

     Every month, my body reminds me that I was made to reproduce, to make babies, to have great sex.

     But I've never been in love. Just in "deep like." Therefore, I've never felt safe or at full peace to give my whole body away to someone. My heart is just too tender.

     And that's what I've always wanted to do. Give my whole body away to the man I love, fully, unrestrained, abandoned, uninhibited, and under a banner of God's covenant love.  To give my body away, not necessarily to a

perfect

man with no faults and past, but to a man simply after God's heart that could truly appreciate and value my heart and my sacrifice.

     I also know part of me loves a challenge, the impossible, and a good story. And since I was 16, I wanted to see if I could actually live up to this crazy challenge of waiting. I mean, could I

actually

wait? Would I implode? Could I actually invest in a love story with man that I have yet to marry. And what if I never got married??

    Needless to say, over the years, I've learned a great deal about self-control (Ha!).  But I've also learned so much more about the love of God, my own heart and and the hearts of people on such a deep, deep level. My sacrifice, amazingly enough, has turned itself into a gift.

     It hasn't been all roses in the waiting, but it hasn't been all thorns either.

----

     It's funny.

     Birds of a feather flock together.

     I'm surrounded by quite a few folks that are either celibate or in the V-club. And yes, we are talking about fully fledged 

grown up

folks. Folks that are actually hot, good looking, beautiful, sexy, grown, intelligent, feisty, flirty, and bold.

     I often joke with the teenagers that I mentor, that I'm on my way to becoming the 40 year-old virgin (Insert

laugh-cry

here). But instead, I think I'll starting calling myself a Unicorn.

     A good friend of mine, the one that I was actually in the conversation with last year, who said..."I think we're practically the last 2 virgins on earth."

     Then said, "Actually, we're like the Last Unicorns."

     And there you have it.

----

     So if you take away anything from this blog post, it's that I let you in on an inside joke.

     Therefore, when I tell you via a future blog post that I've

killed

the last unicorn,

     Well...

     You'll then know...

not

to cry.

     Unless of course...it's out of joy.  And in that case, let the tears of celebration flow.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we are waiting for."

-- Charles Stanley

The Armor of Pride

Photo Credit: Paul Capra

It's the heaviness that prevents us from engaging with people.

It blinds us from the truth.

It's the wall that separates us from truly feeling emotion. It restricts our range of emotion.

It prevents us from loving people that we wouldn't normally love.

It makes us feel like we can't afford to fail, therefore making us feel like we can't afford to trust.

It prevents us from trying something new in fear that we won't be the best or that we will make a mistake.

It's a sworn enemy although it talks to you like a true friend.

And when I looked into your eyes that morning, I was too prideful to admit that I didn't want to look away.

And that is why I chose not to cry in front of you.

Wisdom's Knocking: 

“The proud person always wants to do the right thing, the great thing. But because he wants to do it in his own strength, he is fighting not with man, but with God.” 

 ― Søren Kierkegaard