Why do I have this overwhelming desire to find the good treasure first? There's a part of me that wants to be like Indiana Jones in every part of my life. I want to discover hidden treasures before anyone else does. I have this aching desire to be the first to see something, to hear something, etc.
And if I'm not the first to discover this unknown and hidden thing, I feel as though I've been cheated. Like I've been cheated from some sort of first fruits of something. Weird.
Since 2 weeks ago, when someone approached me about how stand-offish I appeared to be at times, I with care, have been looking at my shortcomings and eccentricities.
This whole "First First" is just one of the many quirks that I've noticed recently. Most likely it stems from pride. It's late and I don't feel like completely psychoanalyzing myself. But I will give myself grace to stop white knuckling certain situations in my life. If I truly believe that all things work together for good, then surely that means ALL things.
A distinct value of treasure is found within the effort of its searching.