Is it true?...
I mean, is it a hard and fast rule, that when a guy likes a girl, he most definitely lets the girl know point blank?
I've subscribed to this core value my entire life. And years ago I wrote a blog post ("Mixed Signals = No Signal") about how a man's indifference or lack to state a feeling, is... in actuality a very firm choice he's making in front of you.
By the way, have you heard of the term, "Ghosting"? Yeah. Apparently it's a thing:
Readers had a lot to say about “Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment,” an article about breaking up by disappearing, a tactic most recently said to be used by Charlize Theron. The story drew 340 comments on nytimes.com/styles and more than 970 comments on Facebook.
Some called it rude, cowardly and immature, while others suggested that it’s necessary in certain situations, such as those in which one person feels endangered...[...].
AMC, DENTON, TEX.
I, too, was a victim of ghosting. We had been dating for four months and he was leaving for the weekend to attend a conference. I told him to have a great weekend and then never heard from him again. I was surprised because he had always been respectful and mature. I never reached out to him because, truth be told, I had planned on ending the relationship anyway. I’m guessing he just thought he’d beat me to it.
MRS. S, NEW JERSEY
My ex-husband did this after 12 years of marriage. We hadn’t fought (we very rarely fought); he gave me no clue that he was even considering such a thing. He told me how much he loved me up to the day he suddenly stopped talking with me, moved out, and then pretended not to know me when our paths crossed, even when our paths crossed within inches of one another.
Um. See. This is what I'm afraid of. I know it probably sounds a bit irrational. But hear me out.
I realized yesterday that I still don't fully trust men in a romantic sense. Or myself. At least not completely.
Myself--in the ability to choose well.
And a Man. Because the one time I did give my heart away, I was cheated on in a dramatic fashion--left with the question and feeling of not being enough.
This was years ago, but as my heart began reconnecting with dreams and desires from an era long forgotten in mind, it appeared that space-- and more specifically time were truly relative in the sphere of my heart.
I found myself reeling in uncomfortability this weekend, as I tried to prep my heart for a September of possible romance.
I tried to coax my heart into believing that it won't be like the last time. Or the time before that. Or the time before that....Or that other time...
My heart gave me side eyes....
I can't blame her.
I've been singing this song of promised hope to her, for over 10 years now.
I can understand her hesitancy.
But now that I feel that love is about to really happen for me, I somehow want to sabotage it all.
Obviously these emotions didn't just come out of nowhere, but were prompted more or less by one man's lack of clear intention towards me. And me feeling like, I had ALL this love to GIVE. I just wanted him to make a bold choice. I still do. But I definitely do not want to make that choice for him.
I want and need to be chosen.
I want him to take the lead.
To feel wanted. It's such an amazing feeling.
Because my heart and hope is to make my man feel wanted over and over and over again. My heart gains so much joy in endeavoring to love people well. It's just been in the receiving department that my struggle often remains.
It's been a long journey to get here.
And this is how "I get" in the waiting.
I get ancy. I get grabby. I start to lose my concentration.
I keep trying to grab something that seems so slippery in between my hands. Like this thing doesn't want to be caught by me. It somehow doesn't want to be held in my hands. And there's a resistance--and yes, I'm mad about it.
I always have this quote that I'm pretty sure has travelled through the generations of my family line..."You just never know what people do behind close doors..."
And dang. Ain't that the truth.
I mean. Jared from Subway, people?? Really? And married with kids.....#LeSigh
My next irrational fear is...what if the man I choose and fall in love with ends up making a Lifetime movie out of me. I know. I know. This is awful, but I'm just being real.
Because I know that so many good things start out so incredibly sweet and yet oddly turn sour.
I had a dream last night about my current crush.
It was awful. All kinds of sour.
He turned into a pompous and arrogant version of himself, or rather it was a bit of an unveiling of sorts in the dream. I woke up feeling like: Ugh. And my thought was, "Him too, God??..."
Now Note: This man person could actually be quite lovely behind closed doors...in his room when no one else is around--you know, where character is formed and lives with you...
But now, when I see him in person, all I'll be thinking of is that dream...Major shade might be thrown in his direction; and I may or may not get a little bit defensive. (Don't worry. I'll be working and praying through this. So hopefully I won't punch him in the neck...)
All to say, I'm actually a bit nervous about September. I've honestly never officially "dated" in my whole entire life. At least not on purpose. I don't know how the heck I'm suppose to do it. I feel like a grown woman in the kiddie swim class at the gym. Nevertheless, I'm making myself go on at least 2 dates come next month.
With that said, I literally might just say yes to the first man to ask me out.
Not because I'm treating this so nonchalantly.
On the contrary.
I want and need to get past myself--past my pain--past my fear--and into my hopes and into my dreams.
I want to live from a place of passion. And a life of passion is often marked with intentionality and vulnerability.
Those leading a life of indifference and apathy, rarely, if ever, grab hold of life's gold (love) waiting for them.
But instead they become weary spectators of a life their heart truly cries out for.
Don't be afraid to speak up and stand up for your heart and the dreams God has placed therein.
There's meaning there.
There's importance there.
And these things matter.
It's true, that on this journey to such extraordinary marvels you may encounter hard lemons--but take heart, they too can be squeezed....
--And such is the blessing and beauty of lemonade...
"Everything works out in the end.
If it hasn't worked out yet, then it's not the end."