In many ways it seemed doomed from the beginning. But he was cheeky. He was hot. And he wanted me. Three of my favorite traits in a man.
I ignored the still small voice telling me to just walk away. I was hard-headed, stubborn, and I
wanted to see this thing through somehow. You know
, when you just want to see how the movie ends for yourself. And sometimes, no amount of sage advice can steer your course otherwise.
But be prepared, because experience
is an often cruel professor.
I knew I was taking a risk, I knew that if I ignored the gentle voice of caution for too long, there was going to be a crash and burn. We were like fire, he and I.
With him, there were a lot of firsts --first dates by the pier, first embraces under the stars, first kisses on the hillside...and lots of laughs and silliness.
Oh, how I wanted to be hopeful.
And then the day finally happened when I chose to give my heart over, knowing that it wasn't completely in safe hands
. "But if only I give him more time to change, we'd be happier--I'd be happier."
See that was my flaw.
Waiting to get happy, instead of already being happy.
And my second flaw:
Trying to change a man.
Ladies & Gentlemen:
We do not change people. We do not control people. And what you see is often what you get.
And any change or control that you have manipulated or forced onto someone's life, is often an illusion and won't be sustained for the long term.
If there is any changing to be had, let God author it in their lives. The chances of that change being sustained is far greater.
"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou
That goes for both the good and bad...
And then we crashed and burned.
He cheated and now there was a baby involved. Hers.
And I spent my nights crying and heaving and crying some more. My heart was utterly and sincerely broken. That was brand new and all kinds of awful for me.
My tender heart was now thorny and raw.
So this is what they
meant when they talked of a broken heart.
But I didn't want to look gray, nor did I want to feel like it for the rest of my life.
And slowly, weeks and months pass, a letter comes from him. Sincere and apologetic, but expressed everything that I had already known beforehand. We were never truly meant to be together.
And the second blow of heart break pounds my chest, sending reverberations like questions in a mathematician's mind. Why did it all have to figure out like this?
But replaying and asking questions that were neither here nor there, wouldn't lead me to what I was lacking in the first place, a mature understanding love
And then the days became weeks, and the weeks became months and so on, and so forth.
And my brokenness would soon lead to relief, freedom, and renewed hope.
Healing came. And so did love.
And now, I'm so grateful to share with you How I Healed From A Broken Heart:
This was honestly my very first step. I didn't feel any
emotion when I did it in my bedroom by myself, but it was important to get the words out and let my heart follow suit when it was ready.
Forgiveness is not about excusing or justifying the behavior that this person did to you, but instead, forgiveness sets you free from carrying the burden of hatred. Which by the way takes up far more energy than you would believe!
Talk it Out:
Having 1 or 2 key people that you can simply share your heart with is key. These are the folks that will just listen
and not try to figure everything out for you. And once you're done talking it out. Then talk it out again.
Each time you talk it out, ask yourself what you're learning about your own heart from the words that you are sharing.
Release & Pray:
There's so many times when we just don't understand. Why? Why? Why?
And when it comes to the many layers of a broken heart, one must be prepared to truly release the pain and give it over to God.
You may find yourself grabbing the pain back once in a while, simply because it was your comfort tool, but just keep releasing. It will be worth it.
Connect/Re-Connect With Those Things You Loved to Do:
Do you remember you
? If not, you're about to go on a journey of recollection and discovery.
In fact, we all are discovering --
what's been there in us, what's still there in us, and what will continue to be there in our hearts.
And Believe for Better:
If you can't begin to believe, see, or agree for something hopeful, you'll most likely not recognize or walk away from a truly hopeful adventure and go back into the arms of your painful past cycles.
Much like how an abused woman will often find/attract another abuser until she starts to believe that she truly is worth more and deserves better.
You heart is worth so much more than you know. And there's someone out there that truly knows this to be a fact as well as a gift they want to cherish.
And the first someone
who should embrace this revelation... is yourself
“Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching,
and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be.
I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape.”
― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations