When asked why he never was unfaithful to Joanne, Paul Newman famously replied,
"Why fool around with hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Read MoreHe Just Wanted to Be Held
Photo Credit: Ashley Johnson
He looked her in the eye and decided to tell her the truth.
I just want to be held. And I want to be held by you.
He was feeling brave.
All the things you say when you're not afraid.
He said them.
And she looked at him with wide eyes.
Wisdom's Knocking:
When love is a statement, it can often get passed off as every day white noise. But when love is an invitation, it demands a response outside of the ordinary.
Beauty Is Fragile
“Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?”
― Richard Rodgers, Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella
Photo Credit: Kawika Drummond
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We're both on the same page. My friend and I. We've both shared a similar faux romance journey basically all of 2012. Her story is different than mine. But so much the same.
Fellas:
When your friend, who is a girl, seems to be sad around you more than normal for no reason, and you do your do-diligence by asking what's wrong...and she says, "Nothing." Please don't think that was the truth.
And if you assume that she's just tired, you'd still be wrong.
The fact is, she's in love with you and you haven't gotten a clue.
And the wrestling of her emotions is getting the best of her.
My friend and I with our respective potentials, thought we were headed towards magic, something real. And then death after death began to engulf us.
I didn't want to go down without a fight.
The weight of my own heart got the best of me.
And I did something I never recommend doing. Ever. Simply because it takes away a part of the pursuit of the man--of which my heart craves.
But nevertheless...I spilled the beans.
For some reason, I felt I had to risk it. If you must know, the dream is still gnawing at me and I can't seem to let it go. And in my present knowledge I don't know of anyone else that could fill the outline of what my heart saw that one October night in the land of my dreams.
So, I told him how I felt and subsequently how I knew he wasn't ready for my heart. I simply wanted him to know what had really been going on with my heart all summer long.
His response?
Nothing to really write home about. In fact, there was no final and definite response, which is more disappointing than a heartfelt, "No, I don't feel the same way about you...let's just be friends..." But I have to guess that his lack of response, to me pouring out my heart is his response.
And in attempt to honor my own heart, I've distanced my self from him. Healing of my ego and heart has to occur and subsequently, I want to be ready for the one who is meant for me and is unashamedly and with confidence ready to choose me without hesitation.
Is it too much to ask for someone to be brave?...To be vulnerable....kind...adventurous...open...and honest? Yes, these attributes don't usually just happen...but instead are the product of intentionality. Of which I hope I'm growing more and more in.
So what will happen with him and I? Only God knows. Truly. But this all may simply become a distant memory or the foundation of something I needed to finally learn.
2012 has been full of surprises for me...not necessarily the good kind. People that are thought were meant for each other and would be together forever are parting ways. And I've wept with more friends this year than ever before.
But in all of this, I haven't forgotten what I really want. What makes my heart come alive. Love and it's beauty.
The thing about beauty is that it's so tender...so fragile. A beautiful face can be easily ruined with one slice or burn. A beautiful painting can be dropped and destroyed, so on and so forth.
These things that we consider beautiful cause us to come alive and we look for them, we pursue them. When things present themselves as potential beauty, we start to get butterflies.
And then we plan a way and a means to capture this beauty, to behold it as our own forever. But sometimes that beauty is not just for us, but for others.
The thing about beauty is that it's fragile and is often best held with open hands. Because as soon as you close your hands, you are most likely to crush it.
And what about my beautiful friend? How is she doing now? After walking out all of 2012 in patience and hope, wanting to embrace the love of her life, only to be ousted by another girl at the last minute, someone she feels she could never be, someone who he is now proclaiming to be in love with and wants to marry.
And now beauty seems to have left her hands...
Yes. She's heartbroken. Crushed. Disappointed and confused by all the previous signals he gave. But she's choosing strength in tenderness. And I know, because of this, beauty is sure to return to her hands.
To love is no easy task--it's not for cowards and for those with commitment issues. And it's definitely more helpful if you have a sense of humor.
Because mature love is for those that are willing to get back up again, everyday...
With open hands--ready to receive something fragile and beautiful...once again.
Wisdom's Knocking:
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
You Miss My Words In Your Mouth
Photo Credit: Hannah Anderson
I've been wanting to write to you for some time, but life has been...something of an "Alice in Wonderland."
Since the last time I've written, I've surprised myself with my own boldness, with my own tenderness, and with my own strength.
I've gotten a glimpse of heaven.
I've wept with friends.
I've faced some demons.
I've stepped out once again into the unknown.
It's funny the imprint that people leave on our souls. You know the more you start hanging around someone, the more you begin to sound like them. You unconsciously embrace their words, their heart, their emotions.
It's interesting to think that there's someone out there in the world that sounds like you, simply for the fact that they spent significant time with you. An imprint has been made.
And likewise, you sound like someone. You may think you sound 'just like yourself.' But unless, you've been kept in a cave for the last 10 years, you don't simply sound like yourself, but more like the people you embrace, which in turn becomes a reflection of your own heart.
I was looking at Instagram a few minutes ago. And I noticed someone using 'my words'. And I thought to myself..."I guess I did make an impact. I guess I did matter to them in some intangible way."
2012 is almost over. And I don't quite know how to recap this year.
My heart has broken more times than I'd like to count this year. My Field of Dreams somehow dried up and played me.
And yet, there's a melody riding on the winds that are softly blowing. It's not a loud song. It doesn't need to be, for me to pause and begin to listen.
This song sounds like someone I know. A Someone that has left an imprint on my soul. How long will this melody play?
And does this melody lead into a song?
I. Honestly. Have. No. Idea.
But I'm convinced, that I'll only find out by waking up tomorrow and choosing to embrace new words in my mouth.
Wisdom's Knocking:
"I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand--I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, 'You are my people." - Isaiah 51:10
I've Chosen You
Photo Credit: Paris Garbowsky
It's about to get real. The holidays are coming. And for many, it's a time of pain and disappointment.
But I feel like it's of the utmost importance to let you know, and to remind myself that we have not been forgotten.
Through the battles and the wars, the pain and the tears, you've never been invisible. Your hustle has not gone unnoticed. But know this, your hustle does not completely define you.
If you look to your hustle to completely define you, you'll be left wanting. Because a hustle in itself cannot bring fulfillment, cannot bring peace to your soul, and cannot usher in love to your heart.
What you need is something that you could not have fully worked for on your own. A Love that has Chosen you first, before you even gave a second thought towards it. A Love that propels you forward in all things. Motivating you beyond your own efforts and limitations. Bringing meaning and purpose to the hustle.
I'm challenged this holiday season more than ever to take time just being with God. No agendas other than being loved.
To my blog readers, you've been with me throughout the crushing blows of defeat and the pinnacles of hope freshly envisioned for my 2012. In many ways I still feel like I'm grasping for straws. But it has been your prayers, your love, and your encouragement, that has given me the courage to not give up just yet.
As I type this, tears are welling up in my eyes. I'm so blessed to know that many of you have found encouragement and wisdom in this little blog. We've definitely been on this journey together. And I'm so thankful for you.
Sometimes we are shy or even ashamed to admit how much we need love. I know I was, before starting this blog. But the truth is, we were made to be loved, fully and completely. And now the overriding theme of this blog has basically become how love or the lack of love motivates and propels just about everything we do. Even how we put wisdom into practice.
And now, I simply want to hold your face with both of my hands, with tenderness and love, look you in the eyes, and tell you with all my being and with all sincerity,
You are loved, you are seen, and you are chosen.
Wisdom's Knocking:
"Weeping may endure for a night...but joy comes in the morning."
-Psalm 30:5