Fake Brides, "Love Is Blind", God's Plan (Right On Time)

So no, I’m not here to spill the tea on a bridezilla or a TV event planning mishap…although, I do have some funny stories that would leave you looking like:

But I am here to share in brief what this current season of life has been like for me, in the hopes that it would encourage you and make you smile.

Being an entrepreneur in what feels like an intense season of maturing, I’m being reminded that God is right here in the midst of it all. And He has a plan.

You see, I go through seasons where I passionately go through a series of relationship articles, podcasts, and books, specifically from a faith foundation.

And this past Valentine’s Day season brought me back to my roots. Real first love.

Whether we want to admit it or not, relationships are deeply intertwined within our everyday lives. The lack thereof, the abundance of them, the health or unhealth of relationships play out in subtle and often not-so subtle ways.

As much as we’d like to compartmentalize all the different facets of our lives – there is inevitable spilling and cross-over.

It was time for my heart to hear the truth again in regards to the beauty of relationships and how God is faithful to work all things out-- together for our good.

I started my search by listening to my tried-and-true Annie F. Downs: “That Sounds Fun” podcast.

Annie and her guests hold such kindness and insight when it comes to faith and relationships.

The episodes that rocked my face off:

• Episode: TSF Couples 2020: Chris & Emily Norton

• Episode: TSF Couples 2020: Addison & Julianna Bevere  

• Episode: TSF Couples 2020: Sadie Robertson Huff & Christian Huff

And then I stumbled across Sons & Daughters TV on Youtube and Instagram.

Juliana & Addison Bevere, Arden & Christian Bevere, and Austin & Jessica Bevere brought that fire.

And so I spent an entire Saturday taking my time and soaking up their wisdom.

To get a small taste of what I watched:

• “How You Know They Are The One”

• “Define Your Asks”  

• 008 – Summer Romance – “Let’s Talk About It”

So in the midst of all my deep diving into the world of relationships again, I noticed something was happening.

My heart was getting ridiculously encouraged.

Not discouraged because I’ve been perpetually single and desire to be married like yester-decade. But encouraged because I was allowing the truth of God to permeate the tender and vulnerable places of my heart again.

It was reminding me that I was loved by a God who was absolutely into every detail of this one precious life.

He was whispering to my heart – I see you. And I’ve not forgotten about you.

And I knew it was true.

Just a few days later, I got a random request from a sweet friend of mine…

“HEY! YOU WANT TO POSSIBLY BE IN THE BRIDAL SHOW?”

Um. Do *I*-- the person who’s been writing about romance and love for over 10 years want to play dress up in a bridal gown for an entire day??

Dear reader, what do you think I said?

Well my response was:

“HECK YES WHEN IS IT”.

MIRACULOUSLY my schedule had a fresh opening on the very day of the bridal show.

And only God and I truly knew how profound that was to my heart.

I SEE YOU.

Meanwhile, in the atmosphere…everyone kept talking about this show, “Love is Blind”.

It was all over my Instagram and Facebook feeds.

Mind you, I’m not a huge reality TV show person, but I became super curious as to why this particular reality show had picked up so much momentum in such a short amount of time.

So I decided to simply check out the first episode for myself - Just so I could understand the premise.

Fast forward to me finishing the entire season in just 3 days.

CLEARLY I DIDN’T EXPECT THAT.

 The premise for “Love is Blind”:

Single guys and girls date multiple people, then propose to the one they feel they have the strongest emotional connection with – all without ever seeing the other person they’ve been ‘dating’.  

To make the stakes even higher, once they finally see each other, we watch them meet each others’ respective families and plan a legitimate wedding where we then can watch them say either “I do”….or “I don’t”.

It endeavors to remove the distractions of cell phones, social media, and physical appearance in order to challenge the notion that ‘love is truly blind’.

The show still might not be your cup of tea, but what I found fascinating and what I believe to be the main draw of this show in today’s culture, is the hunger and thirst for true connection, true intimacy beyond the superficial and temporal nature of our current culture and busy lives.

We were made to be known.

And knowing goes both ways.

It’s for the listener and the speaker.

It’s a receiving and a giving.

Authenticity – being the key.

We’ve all known for quite some time, that social media misses the mark in terms of truthful connection.

And accomplishments alone don’t fill the void in our aching hearts.

But real faith-filled relationships and friendships help to bring out the person we’ve been longing to be.

We’ll be challenged, loved, encouraged, celebrated, put to the test, and inspired.

But what we often forget is that a relationship worth having is also a relationship worth nurturing – doing the hard work of growing in love.

And this takes time.

And as we know, time is the real currency of life.

It may be a risk for you to give away time and to step out in terms of relationships, friendships, or work choices. But for those of us who know God, His promise to us is that all things will work together for good. (Romans 8:28). What an incredible foundation to stand on.

I mean, just think…the lives of these “contestants “ from “Love is Blind”, are now radically changed forever, because they took the time to take a risk, amid a televised “social experiment” in front of millions.

photo credit: Lauren Speed - Instagram

(P.S. I LOVE LAUREN & CAMERON!!)

SHOWING US ALL ONCE AGAIN THAT VULNERABILITY IS STILL THE DOORWAY TO TRUE CONNECTION AND LOVE.

SO DO YOU WANT THE REAL OR DO YOU WANT THE FAKE?

And yes, being a fake bride at the Bridal Show was incredible for me. Like you have NO idea. My family was in attendance, and my cousin legit cried seeing me in a wedding dress. It was like a beautiful reality show.

I just couldn’t get over how God had made me a ‘bride’ just weeks before I turn 40.

And I started remembering all those times I had asked God and ugly-cried over the years…And guess what ya’ll?... He made me a bride in a way that still held my heart and encouraged me…. But just not the way I thought it would go down. Ha!

BUT MY HEART IS ALSO PREPARING FOR THE REAL.

One day, I’ll be a real bride.

And on that day, you’ll get to celebrate with me.

And we’ll think back to this blog post and how crazy the world was and how impossible everything seemed.

And we’ll be reminded of the love of God.

Because in midst of all the tension of our current seasons of life, we can still trust in the timing and kindness of God.  That He’s really not late, but that He’s always been and forever will be, right on time.

I’m learning more and more, the plans of a loving God are so much better than we could ever think or imagine.

So today, dear reader, I want you to simply remember:

That God sees you, He knows you, He loves you, and He has not forgotten about you.

Wisdom’s Knocking:

“…Yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands: your walls are continually before me.”

-Isaiah 49: 15b-16

Open Season

     

     I once wrote an open love letter to my future husband.

     I know. Not a surprise.

     But don't throw too much shade, you know you're just as much of a romantic as I am.

     With that said, next month, I'm going to travel across the country to support one of my besties in the beginning of what I believe will be her very own unique and extraordinary love story unfolding.

     The atmosphere is pregnant with promises about to be fulfilled.

     And honestly, I'm getting so much of my life, vicariously living through her--and the way in which this man-person is intentionally pursuing her.

     The wait has been so long.

     But now the fruit is actually ripe.

     This is an open season of discovery.

     For not only her, but for you and I as well.

     Somehow, I feel as though I'm starting afresh.

     I feel as though new hope has arrived in my heart. Finally. And once again.

     And not merely in part because of time passing, but the reality and richness of love in my life as it stands now.

     An odd thing has been happening these last few weeks.

     Three separate people have dreamed about me---

     Okay. Let's stop there.

     Wait. What?

      But true story. These 3 people (1 of whom the other 2 do not even know...) on separate occasions told me of the unique dreams that they had of me over the course of the last few weeks.

     I was a bit blown away. And feeling incredibly loved.

     Most of you know, I'm a big time dreamer. #punintened

     Yes, in the big scheme of things type of way, but also in the night-time type of way.

     You know, that weird and wacky "dreaming-of-things-before-they-happen" sort of way. This has been happening to me since I was about 5 years old. But we can talk more about that later...

     So these 3 dreams that 3 separate people had of me, were basically complimentary repetitions of one another. With themes such as love, marriage, ministry, career, and more love...

     But what was more incredible to me, is that their dreams weren't off base or somehow a surprise to me. But in fact, their individual dreams brought specific confirmation to what I had already known and felt God was whispering to my own soul at the beginning of this year.

     And so goes my life....the reality and richness of love in my life as it stands now, shakes me out of the ever-so attractive apathy of our day and our culture and our often sterile religious ways of doing things.

     I'm forced to pay attention.

     Almost always.

     Thus the tedious work of writing.

Video Link: Josef Salvat, "Open Season": 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOkdkSIgu3Q

     And while walking with my beautiful friend alongside the spectacular and terrifying road of romance, I'm being reminded that God can cause a "suddenly" to happen in our lives at any moment.

     A suddenly that ushers in the very substance of what our hearts have been wanting and waiting for, but a heart that needed time to understand and appreciate the intricacies of such a divine miracle.

     Eyes are being opened.

     Hearts are getting free.

     The month of March is going to be amazing.



     It's Open Season, and anything can happen...

Wisdom's Knocking:

"We used to have it all planned.

We thought we knew what it all looked like.

We were looking out on the greatest view.

We were raised to take a stand.

We were raised to keep an open mind.

We believed we'd just sail on through.

Now I'm a hundred miles an hour,

Sitting in my palace without any power,

Alone in the dark,

We're alone in the dark

Thought we could always try a bit harder,

But if the dice don't wanna roll in your favor

It falls apart, the fantasy falls apart

This is open season,

Time is up, time to be leaving,

Head on down this very arbitrary road

Armor up, and say your prayers,

From under dogs and millionaires,

I heard you're better off on your own,

But I ain't gonna face this hunt alone

So I'll be needing you

And I know you'll be needing me too

We're in this game together

We're in this game together

And I believe in you

And I know you believe in me too,

We're in this game together

We're in this game together"

-- Josef Salvat, "Open Season"

Love

     How will you know it's right, when it happens for you? They always say you'll "Just know". Well, I think I'm gaining some clues and insight...

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Love spurs us on to be the best and truest version of ourselves." 

Guest Post: "Know You, Love You, and Be You"

     I started dating late in life. I joke I had the understanding of a 16 year old but a body of
a 25 year old. Needless to say I learned a hard lesson on how nothing good happens
after midnight. I got wrapped in a relationship without commitment and once a soul tie
was made, I lost “me” along the way. It's been a long journey that I'm still walking out
but who I am today is more gracious, loving and fearless because I've allowed myself
the grace to accept all the good, the bad and ugly.

     Here's some nuggets I've learned along my “34 year” way.

     Know you, Be you and Love you.

     You have to know who you are before you can know who you are in a relationship.
You have to be you in all your quirkiness and give them the permission to love you
just as you are. You have to truly love yourself with all your junk knowing you are a
beautiful work in progress. Being authentic with yourself gives you a healthy ability to
grow and just BE in a relationship. If you like doors to be opened don't apologize for
it, just give them grace to learn but stand your ground. If hanging with your bros is
important then stay true to that while respecting the time and needs of your girl. I am
a true believer in making what's important to them important to you but make sure you
don't lose “you” along the way. Having self-respect is one of the greatest gifts you can
give yourself and it starts with loving your beautiful, messy, honest, (sometimes) crazy,
adorable, loveable self.

    Shame is a prison but you have the keys.

     If you have gone places in the past that has brought you shame, Let It Go! Shame is
an awful thing that paralysis you from your potential. It makes you seem small when
really you are strong, able, vivacious and free. Shame defines you as “less than”,
Grace defines you with respect, honor, and worth. What you do might shape you but
it doesn't define you. Don't allow shame to steal a minute, a day, a year of your life.
Acceptance of what was and the ability to set it free will give you grace to lift up your
head in dignity and receive the love that is for you. No good comes from shame.

     What is for you will not pass you by.

     I have been trapped by fear that “IT” may never come unless I work at “it” and make
“it” happen. If I pray a little harder, dream a little bigger, focus more intently it will
suddenly manifest. But as cliché as it sounds when you least expect it, that is when
it happens. Shifting your attention off the thing is not only healthy but helpful. I think
when we want something so bad we send out this needy energy that can come across
as “too much” and unattractive. You might not say I'm desperate with your words but
it's oozing from your very being. The best way to combat “desperato-ville” is to take
your energy off “when will it come” and put it on “who you will be when it does”. I truly
believe that the right (un-perfect) but perfect for you person will come and the best
is to rest in that fact. Find new hobbies, live full adventures, make memories with the
best human beings you've surrounded yourself with and when your person comes they
will be a beautiful addition to a full life that already exist.

     You are enough. You're growing, learning, being and trusting. You are in the right
place. Shake off what was and set your soul free. Lift up your eyes and hold on to
hope. It will happen. Don't sweat it, control it, fear it or force it. Rest in the fact it WILL
come to pass and be okay that there is nothing you can do about it.

###

     Kristen Joy Hilyard is a Texas based designer that over the last few years has stepped into her role as a life stylist expert. Through life experience, schooling, creativity, intuition and culture she has grown as an artist and recently launched her business 33Perspective. 

    33Perspective marries her passion for design with her desire to impact pertinent issues related to violence, isolation, and re-imagining one’s life. Each of her pieces are hand design and crafted with intention. 

     Whether stamped, beaded, sculpted or found, they are inspired with herself and others in mind. Her varied experience and influence in the entertainment industry includes the lead role in a short independent film, featured in local and national commercials, and several news segments on Fox News, Great Day Houston, Mirror Mirror, and as a co-host on a political talk show on CNN 650 Radio News. 

     Bohemian in style she frequently sports a sparkle headband with her blonde beach waves and will break out in song at any moment of the day. Spontaneous dancing usually follows…if you are lucky enough to be in her proximity, you will find yourself somewhere in her twirl. Her desire is to connect with the human spirit, and listen and decipher the intentions and hearts of all who visit her future talk show.

You can find out more about Kristen Hilyard here:  http://www.kristenjoy.com/