Beloved

     

Photo Credit: Hannah Anderson

     Have you ever been called this?

     I mean, I love hearing this word. It's probably one of my most favorite words ever.

     If you've been to a Christian church, chances are you've heard this word from the preacher as he quotes Scripture to the listeners.

     It's such a tender word of endearment, but often it's glossed over in the other deep and meaningful spiritual jargon surrounding it.

     But even now, I'm taking the time to let this word wash over me. The fact that God in all his power and might, looks at humanity and calls us Beloved, a people worthy of love, of life, of laughter, of peace--I find that utterly amazing, especially after seeing the potential for destruction that we all possess in our hearts and in our choices given the circumstances.

     Nevertheless, the potential of great love is also carved within us as God breathes life into us; and as we surrender to this great love. And again I repeat, surrender is probably the hardest thing that we will continually do in our lifetime here on earth.

     There's something about terms of endearment. Most people in intimate relationships adapt cute nicknames for their significant other: Baby, Honey, Sweet Thang, Bubba, etc. It's an earnest way to express love, especially if you best receive love with Words of Affirmation. And even if your top love language isn't Words of Affirmation, we know all too well the power of words and how they affect our hearts and minds.

     Terms of endearment constantly desire to confirm intimacy and relationship.

     Sure, your words can become empty, but that is simply a tell-tale sign that you have not taken the time to get filled. And I don't mean filled by another person, I mean filled by an endless well of love, the One who called you Beloved first.

     How would your life change, if you started addressing your enemies as Beloved in your heart? Well, I'm starting to learn.

     I myself am working through some unresolved bitterness this week. This person isn't exactly an enemy, but I have made them one in my heart because of disappointment.

     Okay, look. There actually was someone, a person. Okay, a man person that I had a small crush on towards the end of the year. And as things would have it, I became disappointed because he so kindly put me in the "Friendzone", but in a very passive way.

     I don't think I realized the depth of my disappointment and embarrassment until yesterday. I'm serious. Often when we are attacked with depression or anxiety, the root can be unresolved disappointment and/or unforgiveness issues (even aimed towards one's self). Disappointment can lead to bitterness that can lead to a mistrust of everything and everyone, and if everything and everyone unsettles you, anxiety can stroll on in without a fight. Not to mention you feel out of control or unable to control anything which brings us back to my favorite (not favorite) word: Surrender.

     Everyone will have to surrender to something at some point. And I'm choosing to surrender to the One calling me out of the dark forest.

     So right now, I'm practicing hearing God call me Beloved, as I make my way home.

     And as He calls me Beloved, I sing it right back to Him.

     And invite you to do the same.

Wisdom's Knocking:

There's no sweeter sound, than that of the one

who loves you most, saying your name.

(I just cried watching this again:)

Paris

   

Photo Credit: Wyatt Baker

     So I was convinced that I was going to somehow magically meet my love in Paris while I was in Europe last year. But wouldn't' you know it! --The Paris part of my trip got cancelled! Noooo! I know, heartbreaking indeed. But what may have been stamped forever in my mind as a disappointment, only showed itself as an inconvenience.

     How many times do we gripe and complain, and even cry about the inconveniences that present themselves to us on a daily basis. However, I think about how those many inconveniences may have actually saved our lives, or perhaps even set us up for greater success.

     I'm doing my best to dream again.

     To believe in the idea of Paris.

     You see, Paris holds something special in my heart. Often called the "City of Light" and the "City of Love", its no wonder it captures our attention. I have a sneaky feeling it has something to do with the power and mystery of Love.

    My first trip to Paris (many, many years ago) proved to be nothing short of magical.

     And while other folks may be rushing off to Mt. Everest and climbing great heights in very specific ways, my landmark and gaze is steady on the City of Love.

     I'm not chasing success in the way that our culture often defines it, I'm chasing love and allowing it to chase me down.

     There are those seasons, people, and places, that try and rob us of our true eyesight. Eyesight that allows us to see certain inconveniences as blessings in disguise.

     Last night, I found myself watching an inspirational movie. I know, it may sound cheesy, but watching a story play out visually does something for my soul.  I needed to connect with the stories of those that have found redemption and hope in the worst of circumstances.

     Today, gravitate towards something that instills hope in your heart, whether it be listening to your favorite song, watching your favorite movie, or reading a few chapters from you favorite book.

      And although we may have missed Paris yesterday, we will get there...eventually.

Wisdom's Knocking:

An inconvenience may be a blessing in disguise. 

On Every Side

   

Photo Credit: Evan Kaufmann

     "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body."

--2 Corinthians 4:8-10

     It seems that just as one storm begins to calm another wants to brew. Thank you to those that have been praying for the health of my dad, it means so much to me. And I'm so glad to report that he is truly getting better. I just got off the phone with him and I could hear the life in his voice and practically no coughing. Love it.

     But meanwhile, my grandma (my dad's mom) fell today and broke her hip. This coming after the loss of her husband, my grandpa just a couple of months ago.

     Normally I would arise with such hope and life, and not be affected or deterred by such news, but as you all know I've been experiencing some crazy ups and downs as of late which in turn has made my heart incredible tender in new ways. And I could feel my heart sink as I heard the news about my grandma. The pain of her heart and now her body. I don't understand why there's this current 1-2 punch occurring in so many of our lives in this season.

     But I'm meditating on this quote I posted on my Facebook blog page yesterday:

     "God wants to make you whole. He doesn’t want you to spend the rest of your life hurting."
 - Joyce Meyer

     Wait. What. I don't have to stay in this self destructive state of anxiety, sadness, and hopelessness? Wow. The promises of God just got richer and deeper for me.

     While everyone is talking grand dreams and resolutions, I'm trying to simply find my sturdy footing again in the Lord. And from that place, I can then dream fully and whole heartedly.

     But I thank God for the people that are in my life in this season. Men and women that pray and have the ability to hope and believe for the best, because they are connected to a Source that is not of the systems of this world.

     And tonight, I'm allowing myself to feel weak.

     I know some of you just cringed at the thought. We live in a society that idolizes strength in all areas of our life.

     But I've noticed that our own strength can only take us so far and then ultimately we become a slave to it. Nevertheless, there is a strength that breathes freedom. I've experienced this strength in my life before--countless times. And oddly enough it comes at the point of our weakness and vulnerability.

     Thank you Pam Wright for reminding me of such truth this morning. Your words breathed life to so many of us.

     And to you dear friend, I want to remind you that you are not alone. And although things may not be ideal or perfect yet, the conditions around you are becoming your testimony, your story. A story that will end with redemption and impart hope to a needy heart.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

--2 Corinthians 12:9

Why Does Everyone Want to Kiss Me?

Photo Credit: Johnny Giovati

     I kid you not, this phrase was floating around in my head this morning. And I wondered how I was going to make a coherent blog post on something that at first glance seems so incredibly vain.

     But hear me out.

      I think it's important as a single person to continually remind yourself of your worth. There's something powerful and profound about taking the time to remember and to believe the truth.

     I always think about God's word to His people in the Old Testament and how He is constantly asking them to Remember. Remember the lovingkindness of the Lord, remember that He is a God unlike the other idols that vie for our attention in life. Remember that He saved your life countless times over and over again. And in the moment, you knew with every fiber of your being that those life saving events were not random, but Divine.

     But it becomes apparent throughout the stories of the Bible, that we as human beings often forget, and we often forget a lot.

     I mean, it was an utter shock to my being, to find myself in a state of fear and anxiety after the amazing 7 year track record of experiencing God's faithfulness and presence in some pretty jaw dropping ways. But it was as if my brain, my soul, my spirit was shrouded in some way and not just by a veil, but by a freaking brick wall. And somehow, I wasn't remembering...nor was I believing.

     But somehow, I've caught my breath. I had a good night last night and I slept well. And when I woke up, I thought, "Why Does Everyone Want to Kiss Me?"

     Seemingly random, I know. I even laughed to myself after saying the question out loud.

     But as I dug deeper and brought my heart before God in the morning, some light was shed on my question.

     Remember your worth.

     I think we get into these slumps of living and the drudgery blinds us or causes us to forget the essentials. It's a shame really, because it's the essentials that allow us to fully enjoy our lives in fullness.

     And although every single person on the planet may not want to actually kiss me, I'm affirming to myself in a playful way that I am kissable, worthy of affection, worthy of being known and loved even when I'm not in a relationship. My worth is still the same.

     So now, I think my little question/statement is now becoming a funny mantra of sorts. And I dare you to start saying it to yourself in the mirror, in the car, in the bathroom. Because, in an odd way,  I believe it will begin to shift your mentality about your attractiveness and ability to be approached.

     Instead of thinking that you are only worthy of of scraps, take the time to remember that you are worthy of so much love even though you may not be in a relationship at present.

     And trust me. Love will find you.

     It often doesn't dress up in the clothes that we want it to, but it's there. Just be ready to receive and express heartfelt gratitude.

Wisdom's Knocking: 

“You are speaking...as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory another. 

It is all one thing... what you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure.” 

― C.S. Lewis, "Out of the Silent Planet"

Tomorrow, I'll give you all an update on my dad and my own heart regarding " A Coughing Giant".

A Coughing Giant

     

Photo Credit: Lauren Evans

     I know the holiday season has come to an abrupt hault, but the sentiments of the season are still lingering with me. This past holiday season I noticed more than ever before the weight of time and how precious it truly is. I wanted to bundle my precious mom and dad up in a blanket and never let them go. I wanted certain things to just freeze frame for just a bit. Everything was moving too fast for me. It felt like the future, past, and present were spinning like a tornado in my head. And there seemed to be no end in sight.

     We were all so weak this holiday season.

     I was battling a weird case of anxiety and a bad cold, mom was sick too, and my strong dad had pneumonia.

     The cruel reminder of this imperfect state of things was dad's constant coughing.

     You know the type of cough I'm talking about, it's just painful to hear because there's an odd amount of bass in it.

     When my dad got to the doctors's prior to being diagnosed, the doctor couldn't believe that my dad was standing and talking to him, the pneumonia was on that level. The doctor gave him some super-pack meds about a week and a half before Christmas and the recovery was in full swing come Christmas, but the cough was still lingering.

     That cough was like a taunting demon.

     And in the midst I felt so vulnerable and helpless, which is not my usual M.O. -- the helpless part in particular.

     I've noticed in this season of breaking through the chains of anxiety and pain, I've had to re-learn the simplest of things once again. That God exists. That God is love. That God is for me and not against me.

     Surprisingly enough, I've not yet mastered those strong truths just yet, but minute by minute they are beginning to resurface in the atoms of my body.

     But I'm praying for my spirit to rise up like David, like when he rose up, confronted, and defeated the giant Goliath.

     So last night, I went to my parent's house and we all prayed as a family. I laid my hands on my dad and prayed for healing and a restful night's sleep. But in actuality, I think I was actually praying for myself.

      My dad is on the way to the doctor's now with mom, his cough has persisted. I'm a little nervous and I do feel tension rising in my body, but amidst it all, I do feel peace.

     Giants taunt, but do not always have to get the last word, nor the win.

     I'm praying for you today. That whatever giant you are facing or wrestling with that you would feel strengthened and encouraged unto victory. You already have a Champion in your corner.

     Facing giants is never an easy task, often impossible. But with God, all things are possible.

Wisdom's Knocking:

“Every step was a victory. He had to remember that.”
 ― George Saunders, Tenth of December