A Story of Sir Mix-A-Lot & Karen Carpenter

    


      So maybe it's not completely lady like of me to mention that my favorite song then and possibly now is "Baby Got Back" from the incomparable, Sir Mix-A-Lot.

     This is how the song opens:

     "I like big butts and I cannot lie."

     Okay. Before you send your protests, let me share with you how exhilarating it was back in 1992. Yes. '92. For a young girl to hear an appreciation for her body type.

     I honestly didn't take it in fully at that age as a sexual song, but much more as a body affirmation song. This song came on the scene, in the midst of the drug addict waif model look being all the rage, and my African-American attributes of sorts being considered more of an inconvenience--hard to handle, simply tolerated rather than celebrated.

     Which leads me to my next point. I know, you weren't quite sure if I had one, but alas, I do.

      I'd like to break a myth that some of you may be believing about others or perhaps even yourself. The myth being:

Big girls, curvy girls, thick girls, girls with girth, don't get hit on, don't have boyfriends, and don't have husbands.

     Ummm. So yeah. Nope.  That's not even close to being true. Which in turn, makes it a lie. In fact, all of my 'more curvy' friends have had more dates, romances, and invitations to marriage than me...

     Yes, you may think these girls are desperate or in need of a complete overhaul before qualifying for romance, but while your concocting ways in which to help them change, they just finished having a dinner over looking the ocean with Rico. #hesjustsosmooth

     The stats are out. You curvy ladies are desirable. #realrealtalk

     Now look, get healthy. Be healthy. Whether you are big boned or not.  Love your body. And know, somebody, somewhere is ready to love your body too. #yesidid

     So there we had Sir Mix-A-Lot helping to shape my body image, and on the other side of the spectrum of influence for me was a woman by the name of Karen Carpenter...

    I'd like to think all of my readers know who Karen Carpenter was. But I'm afraid, probably only 3 of you do. #istillloveyou

     Quick introduction to this magnificent songbird. She wrote and played music in a band with her brother. They were known as "The Carpenters". Karen Carpenter had a voice like velvet and could also play the drums (My kind of girl!). To put it bluntly, this is what Paul McCartney, of The Beatles fame said about her voice:
"The best female voice in the world: melodic, tuneful and distinctive."
     Now you get the gist.

     But Karen's life was cut short at 32. Complications due to her long term struggle with anorexia. The eating disorder that evokes extreme fear of gaining weight and a distorted self image, thus leading one to starve themselves to death.

      I distinctly remember watching a docudrama detailing her life and struggle while I was in high school. I was never the same after that.

      I never realized how our bodies and our self image could be so detrimental. How powerful that was in both good and bad ways. And how we could sabotage our own destinies and impact the destinies of others.

     From that point, I viewed my body and my brain much differently.

     So if you don't do it already, you should talk to your body. Yeah. You laugh. But I'd rather encourage my body than tell it how stupid and gross it is. I'd rather state a future for my body that is hopeful and not full of despair and stress. So again, I say, encourage your bones like an old friend. Yes, you should be kind to yourself, more than you've been.


     So I've just told you a story about Sir Mix-A-Lot and Karen Carpenter, and how they played an influential part in my body image journey. And I guess, I simply wanted to say to the both of them, "Thank You."

     And to you dear reader, you are handsome, beautiful, and desirable. #youstillgotit

     Never forget that.




Wisdom's Knocking:

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.










P.S. And if you are someone struggling with your worth, body image, etc. please do not hesitate to shoot me a quick email. I'd love to pray for a shift to occur in your thinking. You don't have to go at this alone! Getting this area of our lives under the dominion of love is key in the adventure that God has awaiting us!


The Power of Innocence

     


     I've been seeing those movie adverts lately--the one in particular that says, "Say goodbye to innocence". And I have this weird urge to jump out of my car and punch that poster in its face. I know, it sounds extremely dramatic and violent. But I'm just being real with you for a moment.

     And let's not even talk about how ambiguous the storyline seems. I mean, What.Is.The.Story.About? From what I've gathered, it's about hot teenage sex. But again, I ask, WHAT.IS.THE.STORY.ABOUT?? And then they hit me with the tagline (as mentioned above), as if that makes it all better and oh, so clear.

     But then, I pump my brakes. And I take a beat, and I ask myself, "But why are you angry about saying goodbye to innocence, Patrice?" Are you mad that you haven't been able to say goodbye to innocence in no uncertain terms? And I squint, and I think about this question intently. Yes, I'm a unicorn (See this link for further clarification), and am I mad about it? I squint some more. Nope. At least not today, I'm not.

     So why all the anger and punching?

     I get still again. And I think some more about this.

     And a trickle of thought finally comes through.

     "But everyone has forgotten the power of innocence."

     It's why we are drawn to puppies and newborns. It's why explorers absolutely love finding untouched and innocent, unpolluted land. Something about this innocence reminds us of home. A home that many of us have forgotten about or continue to deny its existence. But your spirit still leaps, your heart still cries with joy when touching this magnificent innocence. Because there's an imprint of love there.

     And yet, we as humans think we make things unequivocally better by tampering with, reducing, adding to, or mixing those very things that were once innocent--those moments, people, and things, that were shining brightly with a heavenly light, before time, pain, and disappointment rubbed its grimy hands all over it.

     Yes, I understand that change is the only constant, but I am also aware that innocence, once lost, is very, very hard to regain.

     And I'm keenly aware that everything in our current culture would love to strip away innocence and devalue its worth, power, and place in our lives, because it threatens the status quo. It brings conviction in the way of stating things could be and should be better.

     I used to be ashamed at my lack of worldly, sexual experience. Because there didn't seem to be a value placed on it at all in our society. And even now, the responses I get vary. But while there are the celebratory responses, there are also my favorite "Stank face" responses- A sort of, "You're making me uncomfortable and I'm kind of weirded out by you" vibe.

     But while innocence may convict, it has this sneaky ability to draw you in. You just can't keep staring at that puppy in that now famous Super Bowl commercial and even though you don't want kids of your own, you have to admit that baby looks a bit angelic just sleeping there in its stroller.

    And to think, we are excited to say goodbye to innocence. It's a tag line now. A throw away phrase. But it has so many more implications.

     It's one thing to get people to believe that there's no sin, evil, or demonic power in the world, but the leftover footprints of innocence lost in our world would state otherwise.

     The power of innocence not only leaves us with a footprint of love and home, it is a reminder of the possibility of all things being made new.

     It's the tangible display and hope of redemption.

     Innocence is not simply about never being exposed to anything horrible, but it is about embracing the truth of real godly love in the midst and adjusting accordingly.

     Today, I encourage us to look at those areas of our lives that have been tarnished, and simply ask God to restore His innocence in our lives, giving us fresh eyes to see, and a fresh heart to believe, that once again, anything is possible.






Wisdom's Knocking:

“It takes a very long time to become young.” 

 ― Pablo Picasso






The End-Beginning



     And here we are! 30 posts from me in 30 days!

     To give you some perspective, I did 50 posts in total all of 2013.

     So I've done more in 30 days this year, than I did half the year of 2013!!

    Thank you to my blog subscribers for letting me bombard your inboxes for this month. I promise it won't be so crazy from here on out ;)

     And thank you to Lindsay and Stephanie who were my champions this month. When I started to lose steam with writing over the weekends or during my long work weeks, I would get random text messages and encouragement from these ladies.

     I honestly feel like a better human being when I make time to write. Key word here, make.

     I had to purposely make time, over and over again. It was difficult, but not impossible.

     I learned to truly prioritize the gifts and talents that God has given me and that I also happen to enjoy. #perks

     I encourage you, to step out and pursue your hobbies, your talents, your gifts. Not in a half a** casual way, but like you mean it. There truly is purpose in it.

     Oh--and do not, I repeat, DO NOT go at it alone!

     If I've learned anything from this writing challenge, it's that success never comes in a solo package, but rather in a team dynamic.

     I'm truly honored and blessed that you would take time out of your busy day to read my words. I hope they resonate with you, and that my words give you a peek into my heart and perhaps yours as well.

     I'll continue to share my insights as a single woman who loves God, living in Los Angeles, and who dares to live a life of adventure. I invite you to join me on this crazy ride. I can guarantee neither of us knows how this thing is going to end.

     And in closing, as a result of me completing this writing challenge, I've finally decided to write a book *falls backwards and faints*. The subject matter will relate to the main themes in this blog, but in a much more concentrated way. I'll update you come the summer.

     Until then...




Wisdom's Knocking:


“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; 
that is where they should be. 
Now put the foundations under them.” 

 ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden





The Rules of Discretion

     


     I think I'm good at keeping secrets. I mean, I think, I'm pretty good. But I can promise you that 5 years ago, I was waaaaaay better at keeping secrets. Now, to my friends and family that are scared that I'm about to put all they business in the streetz, don't worry, now is not the time.

     I'm just simply saying, we have to garner much more self control these days than in years past to not blast every little precious thing on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or email. There's this urge to draw people in, to share, to have some sort of team on our side--a family so to speak.

     There's this line from the Gospel of Matthew that says, "Don't cast your pearls before swine." And I fear, that we as a culture have put some of our most sacred and valuable secrets on display for just about anyone and everyone. With that, I mean on display for a particular sect of the general public that is simply walking by you casually in life, and not necessarily committed to you in any sort of way. Nor are they at all invested or able to contribute to the discussion that you are initiating through sharing your soul.

     But in our quest for attention and affirmation we give away our prizes, our secrets, the secrets of others and the rules of discretion are thrown to the way side.

     Now all this coming from the girl that shares about her virgin ways, singleness vow, and lack of french kisses.

     True, I'm comfortable with a certain level of openness, but honestly I've been pretty forthright my whole life. My parents can attest to this. And getting older has just made me a bit more adventurous and bold. But I still abide by the rule of discretion, believe or not. There are things that I keep close to my heart. Things that I only share in detail with God, things I only verbalise with my mother. And things that I only repeat with close friends.

     And when it comes to the stories of others, I make sure that I am aware that this is not just an okey-doke sort of thing, it's a precious thing, when someone shares their truth with you. The movements of their hearts, the questions in their minds, the sins they've committed, the pain they've caused.

     I listen intently.

     We lock eyes.

     And I want them to never feel as though they have to tell me, "Please don't tell anyone else." I want them to automatically feel safe, and know their secrets are safe with me.

    While, I may be full of raw openness at times,  I've learned through trial and error that I cannot force that mindset and lifestyle on other people. I don't want to steal away people's opportunity to share their stories and their secrets on their terms. I also don't want to steal away their opportunity to be brave and to grow.


     Discretion is described as:

"The quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information."
credit: Google dictionary 

     Yes. Discretion is for grownups, for lovers, for friends, for kids, for families, for co-workers, for teachers, for me, for you.

     Understand, I'm not advocating being politically correct in all manner of speech, but rather, wise and loving in the things you say out there in the streets (Internet, social media, emails, etc.).

     So the next time you feel the urge to share all the details of your last break-up, your last crush online, or how Joe got fired, be aware of all parties involved. Although it is difficult, exercise love. Honor those involved, including yourself, and I admonish you to use discretion in the sharing of those impactful stories.






Wisdom's  Knocking:

“The more you leave out, the more you highlight what you leave in.”
 ― Henry Green