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That moment you realize you have less "followers"/friends than you last remembered having. Whether it be Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
I looked at my Instagram intently last week.
Wait. Who just "unfollowed" me?
We then rack our minds and do some skillful internet stalkery.
Or maybe this only happens to me.
Perhaps it was a misunderstanding. Perhaps their finger didn't mean to press unfollow. Technology can be tricky. Maybe they were framed...
But often the truth is much more poignant than those excuses.
They simply didn't want to "Follow" me anymore.
End of sentence.
Accept it. It's okay.
Yes there were probably reasons behind such a move. Which may surface at another time. But until then, there's no need to be stagnant.
Don't wallow in it.
This could very well be a blessing in disguise. Actually....It probably is.
And now we can gently move forward.
Not just arbitrarily, but now in the hope of a new beginning.
Speaking of new things...
I'm so excited to share with you all, that my little old blog has been chosen to partner with the launch of a book by one of my favorite relationship experts, titled "
", by the charming Matthew Hussey. It officially drops today, Tuesday, April 9th!
One of my favorite things to do in the world is to help women fall in love! And I have such a heart for those "Ladies in Waiting"! If you've been reading this blog at all in the last 6 years, you KNOW I can relate. Ha.
But trust me, you're going to want to hear what Matthew has to say. I think one of the things that stood out to me regarding Matthew, wasn't just his profound and practical wisdom in the area of life, romance and how men and women communicate; but simply his heart and his message. He oozes sincerity and a humble heart, while being bold and genuine about his pursuit to help women in the area of romance.
You can catch him in action on NBC's new dating show:
, premiering today, April 9th, at 9|8c, after "The Voice".
Now here's a snippet from his new book:
But first....
A
giveaway
I get to extend to you! Courtesy of Matthew Hussey's wonderful team. The first of my 30 readers to buy the
print copy
of "Get the Guy" (Either through
or your local bookstore) will get
1 FREE "Get the Guy" tour ticket
to see and hear Matthew in person!
to see if he'll be in a city near you!
*Note: To qualify for this giveaway, you can do 1 of 2 things.
1. Simply leave a comment under this post letting me know that your in! And provide me with your email address
before
May 1st, 2013.
or...
2. Shoot me an email at puerilityvol1@gmail.com
before
May 1st, 2013.
But most importantly, be sure to purchase the book (And keep that receipt ;)! Let me know what you loved about it, hated about it. What shocked you the most? What challenged you the most?
Believe me, I'm still processing all of these insights from Matthew, as well! I'll tell you in future posts what encourages me about some of the things that Matthew says and what also irritates me about some of Matthew's advice...
Now here's a taste of Matthew Hussey's book, "Get the Guy":
*Oh and as a courtesy note: Yes, there is some "colorful" language*
In Victorian society, it was generally forbidden for a woman to overtly pursue a man she found interesting. The total value of a woman in this era, the only thing that made her seem desirable, was the degree to which she was pursued. If she were seen to be actively chasing a man, it would probably lower her value in his eyes, and in the eyes of her family and society.
Even though they were hobbled by these strict rules, women still found a way to approach a man they desired.
If a woman was out for a stroll and spied a man she'd like to get to know better, she would drop her handkerchief as she passed by, then continue walking. The gallant hero, taking note of the handkerchief that had fallen to the ground in his path, would pick up the handkerchief and run after the lady to return the item to her, demonstrating that he was indeed a chivalrous, kind, and considerate gentleman. This also provided him with the chance to open a conversation with her, beginning with, "You dropped this, madam?"
This would allow the gallant hero to believe that fate had conspired with Cupid, dropping the white handkerchief of the perfect woman directly in his path. Of course, the woman would know the truth, that she had orchestrated the entire interaction.
She chose him and she made the first move. But it was subtle, simple, and elegant. It was a first move in disguise. Nothing that happened afterward would have taken place had she not dropped her handkerchief.
Obviously, women don't carry white handkerchiefs as a matter of course anymore, but that's no reason to ditch what is fundamentally a genius approach to getting a guy to initiate a conversation. As we know, most guys won't come over and say hello of their own accord. This doesn't mean they're not looking for an excuse to come over. That's all the white handkerchief approach is at bottom--a way of signaling to a guy you've selected that he can speak to you without fear of being rejected.
The Modern-Day White Handkerchief Approach
My new, retooled version for the twenty-first century solves the conundrum of how a high-value woman can initiate contact with the guy of her choice without chasing him.
At the same time, it permits the guy to feel it is he who has boldly taken advantage of an opportunity that fate has put in his path.
The Look
Most people have an undeservedly high opinion of their ability to get the most out of eye contact. I've witnessed dozens of women during my weekend seminars sit in a pub, flash a guy a split-second look from the corner of their eye, then spin back around to their friends and say, "Okay, he knows I've seen him. If he doesn't come over now then he's not interested."
Meanwhile, the guy is oblivious. Anyone, aside from the woman who threw him a millisecond glance that even the Flash would miss, could see that the guy had no clue that anything had transpired, much less a woman conveying her interest in him.
My experience has been that what you may think is a blatant signal, a guy will interpret as you looking for the whereabouts of the bartender or the bathroom. Just looking in his general direction doesn't count as a "look."
Men are not good at picking up on body language cues. Psychological studies repeatedly tell us that the average woman is far more capable than the average man of interpreting nonverbal cues. This means that when it comes to us guys, you've got to lay it on thicker than you think is necessary. Often we really are as clueless as you suppose we are.
As a rule, women always overestimate the confidence of men. He's not James Bond (even if he is trying to work the Bond persona); he's just some guy hoping to get through the evening without looking like an idiot. Most guys are not confident enough to come over on the off chance that your quick glance was for them and not the waiter.
To get a guy's attention might require you to give a guy two looks.
Give him one half-second look, a brief turn of your head and a flash of eye contact to encourage him to notice you, then turn back to your friends (your book, your phone, your gin and tonic). This look is not meant to convey anything other than that you've noted his existence. For all he knows, you're looking to see where your boyfriend is.
The second look is going to convey the simple message yes, I saw you and I'm curious. To convey this message, the second look needs to offer a bit of character, nothing wild or elaborate. Just a slight smile, perhaps a cheeky look over the shoulder. You are turning only your head toward him, not your whole body.
In a study conducted at the University of Wisconsin examining the role of social cues in human interactions, it was found that a smile made a man 70 percent more likely to approach a woman than eye contact alone.
We hardly ever smile at someone, even someone we want to meet.
People find this hard to believe at first. Because we equate smiling with being nice, and because most of us believe that we're pretty nice, we believe we smile more than we actually do. The next time you go to the supermarket, count the number of times you catch someone's eye but don't smile. Once you become aware of this, you will find that you can catch yourself not smiling at people all day long. As we go through our days, most of us wear what I like to call screensaver face. We present our screensaver face even to people we like.
I realize that you may struggle with shyness, but remember: the smallest changes in our daily rituals can yield huge results.
I'm also very interested to hear feedback from some of my male readers. What are your lovely thoughts about what Matthew has to say about your species? Does it resonate? Or do you feel that it's all hogwash?
----
And yes, I know this blog post took some weird turns that you probably didn't expect. From venting about a social media rejection to proclaiming new beginnings to introducing an in-your-face look at the ways of romance through a book I would have never considered picking up just a few years ago, simply because of the title (Almost sounding too aggressive for my dainty lady ways...), to my first online giveaway. Yep. That's just how I roll.
But as we endeavor on this journey together--of me sharing with you my ups and downs and subsequent lessons, I truly want you to be more blessed because you took the time to read my stories. I want you to get far more out of it than either of us expect. And that's going to entail me sharing more about the people that are currently influencing and challenging my life in significant ways, and it's also going to entail me giving gifts to you. Because I simply love giving gifts.
There's something sweet about new beginnings. The good ones usually come on the heels of a previous craptastic scenario. So be encouraged. If you're in the thick and death of things, the beauty of resurrection is soon to follow. Have your eyes and your heart open for it. In matters of life and love.
Wisdom's Knocking:
"We don't enter relationships hoping to create an extraordinary existence;
we come to them to share one with someone else."
- Matthew Hussey
