Modest Is Hottest

     


     "Modest is Hottest" - I know some of you have heard this phrase before. But I'm quite sure many, many of you haven't. And I know this, because of how I'm seeing some of my ladies representin' themselves out there. You know who you are.

     Now please believe I love feeling beautiful and dare I say, sexy at times. #yesidid Don't get scared. It's merely in preparation for my husband boo.

     And as you might recall, I just did a blog post on chivalry earlier in the week, and I put you men under the spotlight. But now, I get to spotlight the women for a moment.

     I have the privilege of having a front row seat to the changes of fashion as they begin to impact culture. Whether it be amidst the young teenage girls in my youth group, or the high profile celebs at the award shows that I work.

     I've seen the gamut of what is considered sexy and desirable, and oddly enough, ladies, it always comes back to the art of illusion - to the mystery of what lies underneath.

     What I mean is, you might think a man wants to see all your goods and bits upon first glance in order to fully entice him, but the magic doesn't reside in what he sees, but rather in what he doesn't see.

     I now know more than ever that one can buy fashion, but not necessarily style and class.

     Now before you think I'm bringing the gavel down like Judge Judy, hear me out.

     I often think that women lack a certain finesse of style because no one has simply taken the time to tell them, "Yo, baby girl, you're sending out mixed messages..."

     So here I am. To tell you that first impressions do make a difference, everyday. And the way you carry yourself as a lady makes a huge impression. And we often carry an extension of our personalities and personal stories through the way we dress.

     I grew up taking dance classes around the age of 4 and since then, I've been very aware of my body in space and time. With that said, I'm aware of my wonderful...assets as well. And as much as I enjoy having those assets, ...with Great power comes great responsibility. #selah

     This doesn't mean that I'm in turtlenecks all year long, this just means, I pay attention to how I really look in the mirror, from head to toe,  before I leave the house.

     Some days I feel feisty, some days I feel extra femmy, other days I feel like a mixed martial arts thug who likes to visit museums, and I dress accordingly, but with class, always with class.

     I'm fixin' to attract a king. Therefore, I don't have time to be mistaken for a Lady of the Night...or anything less than a queen.

     And I truly believe the same about you. Be beautiful, be bold, be stylish, but above all stay classy.





Wisdom's Knocking: 

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, 
and she laughs without fear of the future."

-Proverbs 31:25



The Science of Thought





     I usually end each of these blog posts with a quote, some food for thought, but I'm actually going to begin with a quote instead:

"We get stuck in certain habits, 
because whatever we think about the most grows." 
- Dr. Caroline Leaf

     I am fascinated with topics of quantum physics, our minds, and brains. I say, "Mind" and "Brain" separately, because Dr. Leaf makes a very interesting distinction between the two:

THE MIND 
"The Brain is part of the Physical Body and therefore is controlled by the Mind. The Mind does not emerge from an accumulation of Brain activity. Brain activity, rather, reflects Mind activity. Even though the Mind controls the Brain, the Brain feeds back to, and influences, the Mind. The Brain seats the Mind, and therefore the Mind influences the Physical world through the Brain." 
Source: Drleaf.com

     And just because I'm a nerd, I'm going to add another quote from the lovely Doctor:

NEUROPLASTICITY 
There is mounting recent evidence for Neuroplasticity, that is, the ability of the Brain to change according to experience[12]. The anatomy and physiology of the Human Brain is much more malleable and plastic than we once thought. This shows that the Brain changes according to how we use it. The saying ‘Use it or lose it’, which is usually applied to the Musculo-skeletal system, can now be applied to the Brain as well. Thinking, a Mind activity, effects gene expression. Gene expression produces proteins. Proteins are fashioned into structural elements and enzymes (biological catalysts), which change Brain anatomy (structure) and physiology (function). Therefore thinking changes Brain structure and function. 
Source: Drleaf.com 
     So I share this science lesson with a point in view. As single people, what occupies a majority of our 30,000 thoughts that we might have during the day? Are we constantly looking at what we perceive as romantic lack? Or are we thankful (beginning in our thought life) for the dreams that we are able to whole heartedly pursue in this season of life and are we hopeful for good things to come?

     We now know that thoughts, in essence are alive and can leave behind tangible evidence in our bodies, good or bad.

     Let's just let that sink in for a moment.

Yes, those invisible things that no one else sees being produced in your head, are not as hidden and secretive as you'd like to believe.

     Everything that's hidden eventually comes to light...

     And our thought life is no different.

     I remember being devastated and I mean DEVASTATED, to learn at 11 years old that God could read our thoughts and already knew the true condition of our hearts. I mean, I knew how to fool all the adults and kids with my outward demeanor. But you mean, God could see past my facade? Ahhhhhhh! #toomuchtoosoon

     But ultimately that reality freed me up.

     From that point on, I always lived with the awareness that I'm being seen, and nothing is truly hidden. I think that's what propelled me to write and to write honestly. It's no coincidence that I started writing in a journal that same year I received such a revelation as a part of an individual class project, given by the lovely Mrs. Fry. And it was then that I was told that I had a propensity for writing.

     But I poured my little 11 year old heart out in that little journal. The highs and lows of elementary school life. You know how it is. It gets rough out there.

     But I learned to share my thoughts. My true thoughts. And I learned to bring the scary and confusing thoughts to God. And it's something I continue to practice to this day.

     I invite you to be aware of your thought life. It's not too late to change your 'stinkin thinkin'. And I'm not just talking about getting on the 'positive thinking' bandwagon, I'm talking about bringing an honest heart before God and people. There's healing in that. And there's restoration waiting for you.

     I've not yet learned to take every thought captive. I mean, I usually write about it--the struggle here on this blog. But even though the odds may often seem stacked against you, proclaim a better story and ask for a heart to truly believe it.

     Because your propensity to receive and give love is intrinsically connected to the way in which you've experienced and thought about love in the past or the lack thereof.

     But it's time to prepare yourself for a better story-- a better love story.

     Let it begin now, with your thought life. And may shift give way to a beautiful and powerful legacy full of love.




Mr. Chivalry and Mademoiselle Lady

Photo Credit: Tiffany Johnson
     

     I read an article yesterday talking about the decline of chivalry in our day and age.

     You and I both know this argument has been going on for some time now and I must agree, chivalry looks as though it's dying out, but I have news to tell you. It's not dead.

     In the article, it talks about how a majority of men choose not to open a door for a lady or help her with her luggage at the airport because they feel as though she would be offended by the very act. And not just that, but that they would be insinuating that she is 'less than' in some way. With that said, many men have opted to play it safe in hopes of not rocking the boat in their daily encounters with women.

     Hmm.

     If you are a man and reading this, first, I want to say thank you. You're a brave one. Next, I want you to know that being chivalrous is probably one of thee sexiest and most honorable things you could ever do for a woman. I mean that. You are in no way being patronizing. In fact, you are tangibly expressing your heartfelt honor for a woman in an often small, yet profound way.

     And you're not simply saying something about how you are discerning the value of the woman in your company, you are blatantly showing the woman something about your own heart and character. That you are a man that understands the ways of kindness, of honor, and the power and beauty of simplicity. Plus, you'll reap what you sow, eventually. Because even if the one woman you hold the door open for gives you stank face, 10 other women after her will give you a smile that'll make your day, and you'll find yourself reaping some other unexpected blessings in other areas of your life.

     Now let me make a quick distinction between being Chivalrous and being Pompous.

Chivalry protects // Pompous disregards
Chivalry is giving // Pompous is about personal ego
Chivalry is attractive // Pompous is revolting

     Point Blank: True Chivalry is selfless and Pompous is selfish.

     Yes, women disdain men that are simply doing nice things for them to reap some sort of benefit. No one wants to be used. But see, that's the beauty of real chivalry, it's not about what you can gain, but rather, what you can give.

     Our culture has lost the ability to truly trust. Everyone is a potential perp. Thanks C.S.I. and Law and Order. And yes, I find myself under this spell often. I often think every guy walking the streets is a potential cray-cray stalker, and I flash a quick suspicious eye if a man tries to help me do something, even if I do need the help.

     But there are still men out there that know things....

     They pay attention.

     These men already see the single mom struggling to come down the small plane aisle with 2 oversized bags in her hand and a toddler on her hip. And instead of trying to avoid eye contact with the woman, they immediately (without waiting for someone else to do it) stand up to help get the woman and her bags to her seat.

     Chivalry.

     And there's the man that is walking into your favorite coffee shop and holds the door open for you and he then goes about his business.

     Chivalry.

And then there's the young man that is nervous about his first date with the girl of his dreams. He gets to her house, gets out of the car (Doesn't just honk for her or text her he's outside), greets her at the door, walks her back to the car and opens the door for her, waits until she's comfortably seated and then closes her door.

     Chivalry.

     And then there's your solid guy friend that somehow when you guys are walking the streets of the city, he always makes sure that he's on the outer edge of the sidewalk as you both stroll, to simply protect you from the dangers of the cars on the street.

     Chivalry.


     Now ladies, let me share with you our role in all of this.

     Stop pretending that you don't need help with anything, ever. Seriously. I.mean.it.

     It's okay to admit that you need help.

     And I love my independent women. Seriously. But a prideful passive aggressive woman--well that's another story. Because in the end, these women end up resenting men for not being men in their lives. But these women never gave them a chance to be the man in their lives. Go figure.

     I know you might have trust issues. I'm the same way.

     But real talk, ask God to help you with your trust issues. He will.

     Let that man help you, let the man give of his time, his kindness, and himself to you if you're so lucky.

     Our other response ladies, in all of this, should be gratitude. If it's not gratitude, and you find yourself getting offended when a man tries to do something nice for you, please just take a beat, and ask yourself "Why did I just get offended?" The answer might surprise you.

      In any act of chivalry, big or small, please never forget to smile and say thank you. He has just put himself on the line. And as a small token of honor and respect back to the man, it's always lovely to say thank you.

     With all of that shared, I'm convinced that there's going to be a revival of chivalry in our day and age. So many men and women are tired of the current trend of things. And with good reason. We were never meant to live lives of sterile self-preservation. But instead we were meant to partake in a type of kindness that validates the human experience and points to something Greater. Including an exchange, where both the giver and the receiver get to reap the benefits.



Wisdom's Knocking:

“His attentive treatment of her had nothing to do with the presumption that she was weak, and everything to do with the conviction that she was valuable.”

--From "Once Upon a Road Trip" by Angela N. Bloun


Being Cinderella

 

Photo Credit: Lindsay Coleman


     Okay. Let's get down to the nitty gritty.

     I had a little bit of a mini-baby meltdown today.

     I got caught up in the ways in which I felt overlooked in regards to romance.

     Have you ever been in a room, restaurant, classroom, or in a family conversation, where they are trying to hook up every other single female they can think of with a mysterious eligible bachelor doctor who happens to be your type, but they don't even think to consider you?

    Or does this just happen to me?

     Well, I've always loved the story of Cinderella. I've always loved the idea of someone hidden being brought to the forefront and later recognized as worthy of a great and profound love story. A royal love story of sorts.

     And today I realized that I love Cinderella so much because I actually feel like Cinderella in my own life, you know, before the castle bit.

     Yes, I often sing songs with birds and I actually do love to clean, but something today got triggered where I felt that no one is going to ask me to the ball. And that thought crossed my mind, "I guess I get to remain hidden...forever." Oh joy.

     I feel like some of you reading this, girls and guys, feel a little bit like Cinderella as well. Like there's this big ball that's already happening and somehow everyone else gets to go, but no one has bothered to give you an invitation, you weren't even considered.

     I know. It's painful.

     Oh, I just remembered something.

     Do you remember the part in Cinderella (Disney's version) where her stepmother tells her that she's able to go to the ball if she does all of her ridiculous amount of chores. Cinderella gets SO excited and later her animal friends work on their version of an elegant dress to wear to the ball. But then, right before Cinderella is meant to go to the ball with the family,  the stepsisters ruin her dress and Cinderella is left behind as the other girls go ahead of her to the ball. And in that moment, all hope is lost.

     I think I've been my own evil stepmother. I've created a laundry list of items for myself to do in order for me to feel worthy of going to the ball.

     But my worth should have never been on the table. My worth has already been established. Your worth has already been established. You're wonderful, beautiful, handsome, and amazing.

    And I think I've also been my own evil stepsister, I've done my fair share of self-sabotaging throughout the years as well (especially my twenties. I mean seriously). Disqualifying myself for this reason or that reason, etc. etc.

     But the amazing part of the Cinderella story, or of any story for that matter, is always after the "All Hope is Lost" moment.

    Because that's when the Fairy Godmother appears.

     No big deal.

     Just a little bit of Divine intervention that interrupts us right in the middle of our sorrow and grief.

     And God knows, that's exactly what we need.

     So yeah, I'm single. With no end in sight. I'm 33 years old. I haven't dated anyone since I was 19. I've been oddly consecrated to God during that entire time (19-33). And I say oddly, because I honestly did not do this on purpose. Ha. I kinda got punked into it. I mean, yes, I willingly did it, His Love is that good and life changing, but if He would have told me at 19 that I would be practically living like a nun for over a decade, with no late night french kisses or one night stands, I would have probably either walked in the other direction or said to God, "Oh, you so crazy!"

     But alas, here we are.

     And I honestly regret nothing about my romance journey so far; it's just been a lot different than I thought it would be. But, tonight,  I guess I just needed to tell my heart and your heart something:


I just wanted to let you know, you have been invited to the ball.

Yes you have. 


And I'll shall see you there.




Wisdom's Knocking: 


"A dream is a wish your heart makes 
When you're fast asleep...
Have faith in your dreams, and someday 
Your rainbow will come smiling through. 
No matter how your heart is grieving, 
If you keep on believing, 
The dreams that you wish will come true."

- "Cinderella"