Lots and Lots of Dates, Etc.

     

     I've been in a date drought of sorts, since well...................................

     Okay. You get the picture.

     But I have a feeling the flood gates are about to be released.

     I have this sneaky feeling that I'm gonna be hit up all at once.

     "Can I have your number...Can I have it?....Can I have it? Can have it?

     ...Can I have it?"


     I know. These are honestly the things that I envision in my brilliant imagination. At that very moment, I'm not devising how I could go out and create more peace on the planet, or how to provide solutions amidst a poverty stricken world.

     No, instead, I'm having full blown conversations, meetings and faux dates happen in my mind with invisible people that I have yet to see in real life.

     But I can't quite shake this feeling that I'm going to have to make deliberate choices in the near future. And isn't that what we all avoid? Making choices on purpose. Because then, we'd have to own and take full responsibility for our choices, and there's a part of me that is actually like Peter Pan. There's a part of me that wants to cling to the past, to the past comforts and ways of doing things.

     But here comes the new with all its shiny and all its glimmer, but if you read the fine print, it will plainly tell you, that a big mountain of surrender must be conquered before walking into the land of the new.

     Um. What.

     Didn't I just do this?

     Great. Facing fears. My favorite.

     Nope.

     But I do kinda want what's on the other side. I at least want to have a fair peek at it.

     Oh.

     Oh, shoot.

     That looks like my Land of Milk and Honey.

     But of course there's a dragon and a moat in the chasm between us.

     So I'm trying to muster up enough...something, to just lay down. To be at rest with all that's been presented to me.

     I thought we were just talking about dates in this blog post, but clearly I'm beginning to talk about more than that.

     Being open and ready. That's a big deal for me. And coming into a deeper place of surrender. If I'm honest with you, I'm still fighting it... It's just...I don't want to get burned. And I don't want to be the burner unintentionally. But choices still must be made.

     Ready and Willing to make good and powerful choices = Preparation for Milk and Honey.

     I'm almost there, I'm almost there...

Wisdom's Knocking: 

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

He leads me beside quiet waters, 

He refreshes my soul. 

He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, 

I will fear no evil, for you are with me; 

your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

-Psalm 23: 1-4

Butterflies Matter

     It's always the little things that leave the most astounding impressions.

     If I meet you for the first time, I may not fully remember your name, but I'll remember that you have a beautiful birth mark on your neck, of which you probably hate. But it almost looks like the shape of a heart.

     And maybe you were ridiculed all your life because of it, maybe that's why you constantly act as though your poppin' your collar, constantly doing a scaled down version of Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock Holmes.

     But that's no matter to me.

     It's the little things that leave the most astounding impressions.

    When I looked down at his feet, he was wearing these antique looking cowboy boots and they somehow reminded me of the Civil War. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect him to be so forthright with his fashion choices. So bold. But what stood out most, was the glimmer in his eyes. Both of them. Usually, I see people that have an exceptionally bright light in one eye, not him. Both eyes were shining--with love, towards me.

     It wasn't the boots that were astounding, but it was the fragility of his eyes.

     I bet you were made fun of too. For being too sensitive, not having a strong enough backbone. I know, they did that to me too.

     But I learned it takes courage to cry.

     Tears matter.

     And when you hugged me, you pressed your chin ever so softly into my shoulder. You held it there for a while. It wasn't the hug that did me in. It was your chin.

     It's the littlest things that leave the most astounding impressions.

     And I noticed today, that there's a whole world of beauty and strength around us, even in our defeat. There's someone still carrying a torch for us, whether unrequited or not. And it's the glimmer of hope that streaks across the sky each morning, as the sun rises to remind you of a new day's promises.

     No, things won't be the same. Not as they were.

     That season has past.

     But you are still in the race.

     And when I get overwhelmed by the forest and the trees, I remind myself, that there are still butterflies in the world.

Wisdom's Knocking:

“It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.” 

 ― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes

The Lingering Crush

     

     For once, I'm not in that frantic mindset, where you keep replaying fake scenes in your mind of having a conversation with the person you have a crush on, and somehow in this made-up scenario, that deep soul satisfying conversation quickly turns into a sweet embrace and then possibly the best kiss you may have ever had in your entire life. But then you pull yourself out of this ridiculous daydream, not simply from a deep sense of conviction and a need for repentance, but because said person happens to be standing in front of you asking a question.

     Crushes are exhausting.

     I mean, why do they feel like they suck the life out of you.

     I'm convinced because its like a romance mind game of chess. You keep trying to predict your opponents every move and your necessary or probable counter moves. Of which, you never get to use a majority of your moves, because progress between you and said crush either never really escalate or they are actually making basketball plays and you realize you've been prepping for the wrong game all along.

     I know. No one prepared you for crushes.

     And no one tells us that those suckers don't go away easily.

     I mean, it may have taken a hot second for you to fall head over heels for this person, but by goodness their memory is forever imprinted on your mind.

     But this year, I want you to be open to love like you've never been open before.

     I felt it important to write to those of you that have had a lingering person of comparison on your mind. The one who has become the romantic standard in your life.

     Now look, I'm all about standards and knowing your worth. But when a standard prevents you from moving forward, chances are it's not just a standard, but has become a comfortable place of fear.

     What do I mean by a comfortable place of fear?

     Well as long as no one looks like or acts exactly like your former crush, you feel no need to open your heart or move forward in love. You stand still. Or as I like to see it, you stay stuck.

     I've said this many times, but often romantic love surprises us and doesn't always look like we previously imagined. Now that doesn't mean that your boo is going to look hideous or that you two won't have essential things in common, it simply means, you just might be pleasantly surprised who you open up your life to.

     So be open.

     And don't let the woulda been, coulda been, shoulda been story continue to play in your mind. Let go, and get ready to receive afresh.

Wisdom's Knocking:

“One can begin so many things with a new person! - even begin to be a better man.” 

 ― George Eliot, Middlemarch

Labels, Titles, and Love

     

Brent Van Auken Photography

     So do labels in love matter to you? Whether being called boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, fiance, etc.?

     I've learned that some people have elevated beyond such titles, and I'm truly fascinated. And by fascinated, I mean confused.

     I know that we can go down the philosophy of semantics ("The branch of linguistics and logic concerned with meaning" -- or as I like to say in layman's terms, the meaning of words), but I don't think I'm that smart yet, and I'm already feeling sleepy just thinking about it.

     But for me labels do hold meaning, especially in relationships. Naming and defining something, is like taking pride in something, like being proud to associate yourself with something or someone specific. It differentiates your role and place in my life, amidst the other billions of people on this planet whom I may or may not ever come in contact with. I'll say that again. A label or a title differentiates--makes known publicly, your special role and place in my life, amidst the other people in my life, which is unlike (and purposefully so) any other relationship and friendship I have.

     Labels and titles are powerful.

    And yes, we are keenly aware of the negative effects of labels and how one might feel boxed in and even overwhelmed. But that's not my concentration right now. I'm strictly looking at the beauty and freedom of having a safe haven and a platform to express love and relationship within the landscape of a well-thought out label. And for women, to feel safe, does our hearts good. And for men, to be given something of value to protect is powerful.

     I've also observed the similarities of a label to our own personal names.

     And sure, I know that there are other Patrice's out there in the planet. And yes, I do get a little jealous when I hear someone else has my name. It's because, my name has been marked out for me, it carries legacy in this intangible away. It's how I know that someone is talking to me in a conversation, that someone is directing their efforts and love toward me--specifically.

     Therefore, if you simply called out to me, "Hey you--girl. Yeah, you, person." I'd somehow feel demeaned, because you didn't call me by my name - which is something specific and has meaning to me, to my heart, to my lineage, to my stories.

     My stories are connected to my name and I'm reminded of that every time someone says "Patrice". I'm affirmed, I'm seen, and recognized.

     In matters of love, I'm of the camp that believes titles are necessary in romantic relationships, for the benefit of the man and woman.

     Life is messy, as we all know, but its interesting to me that in midst, we are able to roam free in love, feel freedom and safety while actually being aware of our boundaries (And standards) not because of the lack of them.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"We [Men] love you, but how we demonstrate that love is what I call the 

Three Ps of love: We profess, we provide and we protect. 

 That is how a man — if he loves you — this is how you can tell he loves you: He provides for you. Whatever his economic structure is, he provides for you and he will give you whatever he can. 

He will profess. If you have been dating a guy for six months, he has a title for you. If after six months, he is still calling you a friend, he has no plans for you. It doesn’t take us six months to figure out if you are the one. We are just not that difficult. We are simple people. 

 The last P is protect. He will let nothing happen to you within his means. A man loves in threes, if he tells you he loves you, but he doesn’t protect or provide for you, he is just telling you what you want to hear to get what he wants. He doesn’t really love you."

-Steve Harvey

Credits: Google Dictionary

Do You Like Being Yourself?

     Before we even start to touch the question of, "What's your type?" I have to ask you a pretty personal question:

Do you like being yourself?

     Maybe that's too weighty of a question and somewhat abstract to answer right now, but let me help you answer this honestly.

     Have you grown bitter, even if just slightly?

     Have you lost your innocence, completely?

     Are you having trouble dreaming about your future?

     As with any proper survey, if you answered "Yes" to any of those question, it's safe to say you need to get your love tank filled.

     Now see, this is the time when our culture would tell you, to just go out with they guys, get wasted, and laid. This would also be the time when our culture would tell you, just go out with the girls and put your lips on the first guy who tells you you're pretty.

     But as most of us know, the results of such a solution leaves one pretty empty. And instead of filling our actual love tanks, we often feel a bit more depleted.

     Another person won't fill the gap, at least not in the way in which you're hoping. You've probably figured out by now, that love and romance doesn't normally work out perfectly and tied with a bow like it does in the movies. Plus the typical Hollywood romance movie follows a specific formula. A formula that works, and a formula that keeps you coming back to the movies over and over again. It sets up an ideal and the rules of that ideal world, and then, like magic, it delivers.

     But our lives are messier and last longer than 120 minutes.

     Your quest for true and meaningful romance, won't begin with another person. It will actually begin with you.

     If you haven't taken the time to enjoy your own company, you're going to find it difficult to sustain a relationship with another person long term.

     You will have something of value to add to your romantic relationship, it's called yourself.

     But if you haven't placed any value on yourself...well...there won't really be a fruitful and lasting relationship.

     Now as much as  I love leaving myself little love notes, I alone am not capable of filling my own love tank.

     It's under the guise of love that I can begin to see myself and others much more clearly--for who we really are.

     It is then and only then, that I can appreciate the eccentricities that make up Patrice Patrick. It's only then, when I get into a quiet space with God (Whether on a hike, my room, or church) am I able to truly enjoy myself and the other aspects of my life.

     It's then that I realize that I actually like being myself.

     In those moments, God validates that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" and no one will be able to steal that fact away from me.

     And I take in God's beauty, knowing that the beautiful things around me are simply a waning reflection of the absolute beauty that He is. And even moreso, how He wants to lavish His love on you.

     This week, take the time to get still (Or even after reading this post--just take 5 minutes). And let God speak to you. Let Him wash away the past and begin to show you His future. Take the time to let Him love you.

     You are in no way a nuisance or a unwanted obligation to God. He is and has been pursuing you with His great kindness.

     Let Him wash away the bitterness. Restore your innocence. And give you new dreams.

Wisdom's Knocking: 

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become - because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. . .

It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, 

that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” 

 ― C.S. Lewis